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Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.14

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 14
Transportation is an inevitable part of some people. A great deal of personal cars is available worldwide. The conveniences of owning cars are that becoming vulnerable and reaching institutions on time. However, the prime drawbacks of it may be the traffic gridlock as well as declining demand of public transportation. There is a host of reasons as to why individuals choose to be the owner of the cars. Firstly, they believe public vehicles are unsecured and invulnerable. As a result, they are compelled to buy cars to conserve themselves from danger. Secondly, they claim that to appear in schools, offices and universities is very significant. Therefore, they hold the assumption that it is private cars which will be conducive to attend several institutions in time. Because, they do not require to wait for buses and other means of transportation. For instance, statistics demonstrated that the employers of Japan hardly arrive at offices late. Because, they all have cars for operating personal work. On the other hand, in spite having some noticeable benefits, it has a wide range of inconveniences. The noteworthy difficulties can be that when everyone will have personal car, traffic stalemate will be more extreme than the past. Furthermore, if cars will be augmented but the roads are not wider, road jam will occur frequently which can be an affliction for some. The next point is that public vehicles' requirement will lessen gradually because of driving cars. When the government will observe that the necessity of open vehicles are deteriorating, the government will reduce transport's numbers. Finally, the ordinary people will face woe and pressure. For example, in India, the vehicles are being dwindled day by day because of the availability of exorbitant cars. To conclude, possessing cars are enhancing at a high pace. The essay discussed the view along with some advantages likewise easy to be punctual and road safety. In addition to it, it also provided some challenges such as excessive traffic and less seeking to public means of communication.
Transportation is an inevitable part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. A great deal of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is available worldwide. The conveniences of owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are that becoming vulnerable and reaching institutions on time.
However
, the prime drawbacks of it may be the traffic gridlock
as well
as declining demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation.

There is a host of reasons as to why individuals choose to be the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Firstly
, they believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
vehicles
are unsecured
and invulnerable.
As a result
, they
are compelled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to conserve themselves from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Secondly
, they claim that to appear in schools, offices and universities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant.
Therefore
, they hold the assumption that it is private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
which will be conducive to attend several institutions in time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they do not require
Did you mean "waiting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to wait
for buses and other means of transportation.
For instance
, statistics demonstrated that the employers of Japan hardly arrive at offices late.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they all have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for operating personal work.

On the other hand
, in spite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noticeable benefits, it has a wide range of inconveniences. The noteworthy difficulties can be that when everyone will have personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, traffic stalemate will be more extreme than the past.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will
be augmented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the roads are not wider, road jam will occur
frequently
which can be an affliction for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. The
next
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
vehicles' requirement will lessen
gradually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. When the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will observe that the necessity of open vehicles are deteriorating, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
transport's numbers.
Finally
, the ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will face woe and pressure.
For example
, in India, the vehicles are
being dwindled
day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availability of exorbitant cars.

To conclude
, possessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are enhancing at a high pace. The essay discussed the view along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages
likewise
easy to be punctual and road safety.
In addition
to it, it
also
provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges such as excessive traffic and less seeking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
means of communication.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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