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Both the poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Both the poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 5
It is believed by most people that students from needy homes, and those from affluent abodes, encounter difficulty accessing tertiary education. Meanwhile, others have rallied against this assertion. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement. It is rather students from a poor background, who suffer admission into tertiary. First and foremost, the huge entry fee is the major stumbling block for most poor people. Universities are known to charge astronomical admission fees that are beyond imagination. As a matter of fact, it becomes extremely hard for parents to settle this amount before the actual reporting date is due. Besides, books and other academic paraphernalia, also require a lot of dosh. All this comes to play, denying the pauper the right to study in any college of choice. On the other hand, wealthy mothers and fathers, without any problem, and with immediate effect, are able to purchase all textbooks and other school materials like laptops, clothes, pens, notebooks, to mention but a few, for their wards. Again, even before the time of enrolment is nigh, all bills have been paid. This creates an enabling and conducive environment for rich college youth to study without anything bothering their minds. For example, on campus, they are surrounded by a whole lot of opportunities such as extra classes and excursions. In conclusion, I am against the argument that both the peasant and the opulence suffer similarly, in terms of university accessibility. I think it is the former who faces the majority of the challenge.
It
is believed
by most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that students from needy homes, and those from affluent abodes, encounter difficulty accessing tertiary education. Meanwhile, others have rallied against this assertion. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement. It is
rather
students from a poor background, who suffer admission into tertiary.

First
and foremost, the huge entry fee is the major stumbling block for most poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Universities
are known
to charge astronomical admission fees that are beyond imagination. As a matter of fact, it becomes
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for parents to settle this amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the actual reporting date is due.
Besides
, books and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic paraphernalia,
also
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
dosh. All this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to play, denying the pauper the right to study in any college of choice.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, wealthy mothers and fathers, without any problem, and with immediate effect, are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
all textbooks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
school materials like laptops, clothes, pens, notebooks, to mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few, for their wards. Again, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the time of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
is nigh, all bills have
been paid
. This creates an enabling and conducive environment for rich college youth to study without anything bothering their minds.
For example
, on campus, they
are surrounded
by a
Consider using "lot".
whole lot
of opportunities such as extra classes and excursions.

In conclusion
, I am against the argument that both the peasant and the opulence suffer
similarly
, in terms of university accessibility. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the former who faces the majority of the challenge.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Both the poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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