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Both the poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. or disagree Do you agree? v.2

Both the poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. or disagree Do you agree? v. 2
Nowadays, irrespective of their financial background. It’s hard for people to get admission in an university. I completely agree with this statement because the education standard have been raised to a certain level compared to the past decade. Firstly, as years pass the standard for quality education increases linearly. This creates a demand for more skilled students therefore they undergo a lot of filtering process before they get admission in an university or college. In that filtering process, students who are really interested in studying the subject and who have a real passion for that subject are getting admitted. Most of the universities has their own way of segregating students. The process which they follow to isolate should be unbiased, that is there should be no sign of partiality or corruption in evaluating the students. Secondly, there are past records of people getting entre to universities by showing their financial status. However, in the current scenario, there is no chance for such things to take place. Universities should conduct common examination for admiting students. For instance, universities like Harvard and buffalo are conducting entrance examination for all the students who are applying. This way of approach is appreciable because there is no leniency for the rich or poor, everyone is weighted in a same way. I hope one day every university in the world would follow the same pattern to recruit students. That will in turn produce good employees and those employees would thrive hard for the betterment of our universe. To sum up, everyone should be treated in a same way there should neither sympathy for the poor nor fear of the rich, truly deserving candidates must be awarded for their hard work and get accepted in their dream universities.
Nowadays, irrespective of their financial background. It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the education standard have
been raised
to a certain level compared to the past decade.

Firstly
, as years pass the standard for quality education increases
linearly
. This creates a demand for more skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
therefore
they undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
filtering process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college. In that filtering process,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are
really
interested in studying the subject and who have a real passion for that subject are getting admitted. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of segregating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The process which they follow to isolate should
be unbiased
,
that is
there should be no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of partiality or corruption in evaluating the students.

Secondly
, there are past records of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting
Possible spelling mistake found.
entre
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
by showing their financial status.
However
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, there is no chance for such things to take place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
should conduct common examination for
Possible spelling mistake found.
admiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
like Harvard and buffalo are conducting entrance examination for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are applying. This way of approach is appreciable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no leniency for the rich or poor, everyone
is weighted
Consider replacing "in a same way" with the adverb for "same"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a same way
. I hope one day every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in the world would follow the same pattern to recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. That will in turn produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employees and those employees would thrive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the betterment of our universe.

To sum up, everyone should
be treated
Consider replacing "in a same way" with the adverb for "same"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a same way
there should neither sympathy for the poor nor fear of the rich,
truly
deserving candidates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be awarded
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Both the poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. or disagree Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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