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Both poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Both poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 2
Entry into university irrespective of socio-economic status has always been a controversial topic, besides controversies the alarming question is that whether tertiary education is even accessible to all the students or not? I agree with the statement and believe that it has become extremely hard for the students to even enter university owing to the disproportion in the student number and seat availability, compounded with increased percentage of scholars and fee structure. To begin with, in recent decades the secondary school graduated student numbers has tremendously increased, resulting in asymmetry between the eligible students and available seats. This difference creates burden on the university management, compelling them to raise the standards of eligibility. For instance, in India in 2018, 1 million students graduated from schools in India in 2018, whereas the seats available is around 0. 1 million, statistically making it hard for students to enter a university. Furthermore, despite making academic standards high, the management also demanded huge amounts as compensation to allocate particular seats. Hence, making it unapproachable for the students of both high and low socio-economic groups. For example, according to a recent article in TIMES newspaper, it is mentioned that, university fee has sky rocketed meaning it costs a life for the student’s parents to afford a university seat globally, either it could be a developed country or a developing country. To conclude, finally having studied so hard for years with good grades, still the students are unable to be sure of entering a top university, irrespective of their economical background to fulfil their dream. Thus, strengthening my arguement that financial status does not play a key role in obtaining a student access to a university.
Entry into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
irrespective of
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
status has always been a controversial topic,
besides
controversies the alarming question is that whether tertiary education is even accessible to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or not? I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and believe that it has become
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to even enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
owing to the disproportion in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
number and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seat
availability, compounded with increased percentage of scholars and fee structure.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in recent decades the secondary school graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
numbers has
tremendously
increased, resulting in asymmetry between the eligible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
. This difference creates burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
management, compelling them to raise the standards of eligibility.
For instance
, in India in 2018, 1 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graduated from schools in India in 2018, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
available is around 0. 1 million,
statistically
making it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enter a university.

Furthermore
, despite making academic standards high, the management
also
demanded huge amounts as compensation to allocate particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
.
Hence
, making it unapproachable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of both high and low
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
groups.
For example
, according to a recent article in TIMES newspaper, it
is mentioned
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
fee has
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sky rocketed
meaning it costs a life for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
parents to afford a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seat
globally, either it could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
.

To conclude
,
finally
having studied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for years with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades,
still
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unable to be sure of entering a top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, irrespective of their economical background to fulfil their dream.
Thus
, strengthening my
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguement
that financial status does not play a key role in obtaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
access to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Both poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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