Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate yhe recent years. A society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to helpless animals there are killed Blood sports should be banned. To what extent to you agree or disagree? v.2

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate yhe recent years. A society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to helpless animals there are killed Blood sports should be banned. v. 2
Killing animals for the sports are popular in modern society and it become a debatable tpoic today because blood sports involve killing of animals which is considered as unethical human activity. In my opinion all blood sports like bullfighting, cockfighting and soon should be banned as well as it is possible by making stringent laws and punishments. To commance with, the main point of such event is attract and create a new auditory so make a breakthrough along other popular sports by providing unusual programe. Secondly, blood sports create a significant problem such as psychological aspect about the relationship between people and animals as well as this sports damage the body the animals. In addition of this, individual used animal as a tool for entertainment and gaining money from it is considered as an uncivilized activity whereas animals are invulnerable, they do have life and emotions. However, this sports is totally against of law because while playing animals should be sick and they faced different type of diseases. So, they risk their life in diong. Furthermore, in ancient times blood sports are a part of culture and in several states these activities should be conducting during festival times. For instance, bullfighting are commom in some communities and citizens are likely to participate in such games to show their courage and make feel of excitement among people. To conclude, blood sports should banned by laws and punishments because animals are also part of environment and they also havethe right to live. So, it is our responsibility to make the world more eco-friendly and keep all creatures safe.
Killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are popular in modern society and it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
a debatable
Possible spelling mistake found.
tpoic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
involve killing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which
is considered
as unethical human activity. In my opinion all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like bullfighting, cockfighting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
should
be banned
as well
as it is possible by making stringent laws and punishments.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
commance
with, the main point of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is
Consider using a past participle here: "attracted".
attract
and create a new auditory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a breakthrough along other popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by providing unusual
Possible spelling mistake found.
programe
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
create a significant problem such as psychological aspect about the relationship between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as well
as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
damage the body the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
of this, individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
as a tool for entertainment and gaining money from it
is considered
as an uncivilized activity whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are invulnerable, they do have life and emotions.

However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
totally
against of law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sick and
they faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
diong
.
Furthermore
, in ancient times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are a part of culture and in several states these activities should be conducting during festival times.
For instance
, bullfighting are
Possible spelling mistake found.
commom
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities and citizens are likely to participate in such games to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their courage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
feel of excitement among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "ban"
banned
by laws and punishments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
also
part of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
environment and
they
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
havethe
right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is our responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world more eco-friendly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
all creatures safe.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate yhe recent years. A society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to helpless animals there are killed Blood sports should be banned. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts