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Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for th v.4

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for th v. 4
Recently, ill treatment and killing of animals in the name of sports has ignited a worldwide debate. It comes as a shame for the world that such practices still exists even when the human civilization is reaching its zenith in the field of missile technology, space missions to name a few. One of the potential reasons for blood sports like bull fights, dog and cat fights are on all time high because people to like to watch violence and as such the people watching these games are not directly affected as they might be living in another part of the world watching it over internet or their televisions live from some other remote areas of the planet. However, another point could be because humans get bore very easily on traditional sports so they now have shifted to watching animals participate in sports. On the contrary, it could also be due to mindset of the people who take it as the easiest way to earn money by making these domesticated species fight for their life. Also, these people gets unnoticed due to lesser media attention and non reporting of such activities to the concerned authorities. In my conclusion, I would certainly favor the ban of such sports immediately. Governments should create some awareness programs among the people about how these helpless creatures have also being given a life as do humans have. This uncivilized activity should be dealt with stringent laws and punishments. Individuals of the society should also work in their own capacity not to allow such malpractices around them to make our earth a better place to live for all living things.
Recently,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ill treatment
and killing of animals in the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has ignited a worldwide debate. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
as a shame for the world that such practices
still
exists even when the human civilization is reaching its zenith in the field of missile technology, space missions to name a few.

One of the potential reasons for blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like bull fights, dog and cat fights are on
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
violence and as such the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching these games are not
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as they might be living in another part of the world watching it over internet or their televisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other remote areas of the planet.
However
, another point could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
on traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have shifted to watching animals participate in sports.

On the contrary
, it could
also
be due to mindset of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take it as the easiest way to earn money by making these domesticated species fight for their life.
Also
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
gets
unnoticed due to lesser media attention and non reporting of such activities to the concerned authorities.

In my conclusion, I would
certainly
favor the ban of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
immediately.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness programs among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about how these helpless creatures have
also
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a life as do humans have. This uncivilized activity should
be dealt
with stringent laws and punishments. Individuals of the society should
also
work in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
capacity not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
such malpractices around them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our earth a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for all living things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for th v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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