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Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for th v.3

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for th v. 3
World population is increasing significantly than ever before. This is causing various problems which are not limited only to the underdeveloped world, but also encompasses the developing nations. Such problems need to be addressed before the situation further aggravates. As the number of inhabitants of this world would increase, resources would deplete as there would be more demand and consumption. The already scarce resource would not be enough to cater their needs. The increase in demand would result in degradation of the environment in the form of destruction of ecosystems, habitat destruction, extinction of wildlife etc. Moreover, there would be wars and conflicts between nations vying to get hold of the scarce resources. Since, the human resource would be in abundance, there would not be enough job opportunities to accommodate them, which would result in various social problems like unemployment and crime. Furthermore, due to lack supplies and increased demand, cost of living would increase and food, shelter, health care, would become hell and mere survival would become difficult. In order to remedy the problem, effective measure should be put in place. Governments, particularly in underdeveloped countries where people tend to have large families, should encourage citizens to have small families through measures like tax incentives. They could also make laws pertaining to family planning and enforce such laws like China, where people are penalized for having more than one child. Moreover, abortion laws should be relaxed. Imparting family planning education and teaching effective use contraceptive techniques could also contribute to rein in the explosive population growth. Therefore, humanity should ponder over this earth-shattering matter. Government and international bodies should shoulder the responsibility and create awareness, educate people and make laws, so that this menace is effectively addressed.
World population is increasing
Use "(significantly)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
significantly
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This is causing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which are not limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the underdeveloped world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encompasses the developing nations. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
need to
be addressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the situation
further
aggravates.

As the number of inhabitants of this world would increase, resources would deplete as there would be more demand and consumption. The already scarce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cater their needs. The increase in demand would result in degradation of the environment in the form of destruction of ecosystems, habitat destruction, extinction of wildlife etc.
Moreover
, there would be wars and conflicts between nations vying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hold of the scarce resources. Since, the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
would be in abundance, there would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Consider using a past participle here: "jobbed".
job
opportunities to accommodate them, which would result in various social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like unemployment and crime.
Furthermore
, due to lack supplies and increased demand, cost of living would increase and food, shelter, health care, would become hell and mere survival would become difficult.

In order to remedy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, effective measure should
be put
in place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
,
particularly
in underdeveloped countries where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to have large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, should encourage citizens to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
through measures like tax incentives. They could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
pertaining to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning and enforce such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
like China, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are penalized
for having more than one child.
Moreover
, abortion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
should
be relaxed
. Imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning education and teaching effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
contraceptive techniques could
also
contribute to rein in the explosive population growth.

Therefore
, humanity should ponder over this earth-shattering matter.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and international bodies should shoulder the responsibility and create awareness, educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this menace is
effectively
addressed.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for th v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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