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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant example v.29

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Provide relevant example v. 29
It is believed that large wage is more significant than being satisfied. However, I completely disagree with this statement and I think that anyone might get a big salary if they like what they do. First of all, a feeling of satisfaction after performing work makes you happier. In other words, if a person like what he does, he will feel himself more psychologically comfortable. For instance, according to the studies of the American National Academy lively human gets fifty percent more income than others. In addition, a happy individual realizes himself in his life and have work-life balance. He or she performs better at the workplace rather than human who, works for money without any pleasure. In the result companies make more revenues and increase salaries. Therefore, job fulfilment is more valuable and important than just earn a lot of money. Secondly, a man, who satisfied, makes more progress than human, who works for money. In other words, when an employee is dedicated, he thinks out of the box and produces more ideas and improvements. Steve Jobs, for example, is someone, who was perfectionist and did everything with great dedication. Jobs became the richest man in the world, because of his attitude to his responsibilities and his aim to get gratification. So, work fulfilment might make a person to become wealthy and grows by career ladder. To conclude, high income is not more crucial than job pleasure. I think that big salary and job satisfaction is strongly tied. If anyone gets work enjoyment, he or she will get high income afterwards.
It
is believed
that large wage is more significant than
being satisfied
.
However
, I completely disagree with this statement and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that anyone might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
salary if they like what they do.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a feeling of satisfaction after performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you happier.
In other words
, if a person like what he does, he will feel himself more
psychologically
comfortable.
For instance
, according to the studies of the American National Academy lively human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
fifty percent more income than others.
In addition
, a happy individual realizes himself in his life and have work-life balance. He or she performs better at the workplace
rather
than human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
, works for money without any pleasure. In the result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more revenues and increase salaries.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
is more valuable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.

Secondly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
satisfied,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
more progress than human,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works for money.
In other words
, when an employee
is dedicated
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
out of the box and produces more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and improvements. Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
,
for example
, is someone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was perfectionist and did everything with great dedication.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
became the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his attitude to his responsibilities and his aim to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
gratification.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person to become wealthy and grows by career ladder.

To conclude
, high income is not more crucial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
pleasure. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
salary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is
strongly
tied. If anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
enjoyment, he or she will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
high income afterwards.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Provide relevant example v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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