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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary. v.20

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Provide relevant examples if necessary. v. 20
Health is the most crucial thing to a person, it is also the one thing where people don't want to adjust if they can afford it. Although modernisation has improved the public health service, but it is still not at par with its counterparts. I feel while selecting, either of the health services though they serve the same purpose, depends on a lot of variables, which may lead one towards private sector in many cases. Even though the public health services have improved drastically, but still in many countries, it might not be the case. In many backward countries, overpopulation leads to understaffed hospitals, improper hygiene and huge waiting periods. Also in such conditions the private health services, seems to be the right choice, even to someone who can barely afford it. For instance, a recent study showed, private health services in developing country fare 10 times better than public services. Examples, of corruption, mistakes and various other scams in the public health services also does not paint a favourable picture. Although private care, can be luxurious and may overcome many of the aforementioned flaws of the public service, but they have their share of problems too. To begin with, its luxury can come at a very high cost, followed by fake test recommendations, experimental treatments that could turn out either way. Recently, there was a scam where few private hospitals treated an already dead person, just for money. Also a study conducted by university of Columbia, showed that the public sector in developed countries is as good as the private sector in developing countries. In conclusion, I would like to say that, yes, we want the best health care, but the decision of either public or private sector depends on the persons financial and geographic location, after all, healthy life can lead to a happy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is the most crucial thing to a person, it is
also
the one thing where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't want to adjust if they can afford it. Although
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
still
not at par with its counterparts. I feel while selecting, either of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
though they serve the same purpose, depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
variables, which may lead one towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases.

Even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
drastically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it might not be the case. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, overpopulation leads to understaffed hospitals, improper hygiene and huge waiting periods.
Also
in such conditions the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, seems to be the right choice, even to someone who can
barely
afford it.
For instance
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
fare 10 times better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. Examples, of corruption, mistakes and various other scams in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
also
does not paint a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
picture.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
care, can be luxurious and may overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the aforementioned flaws of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have their share of problems too. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, its luxury can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high cost, followed by fake
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
recommendations, experimental treatments that could turn out either way. Recently, there was a scam where few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
hospitals treated an already dead person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
a study conducted by university of Columbia,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that, yes, we want the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the decision of either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
depends on the persons financial and geographic location,
after all
, healthy life can lead to a happy life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Provide relevant examples if necessary. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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