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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary. v.19

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Provide relevant examples if necessary. v. 19
I have often heard that it is more advantageous to choose a job with high wage, even if it does not interest you at all. I am in total disagreement with this statement and think that job satisfaction is much more important than a high salary. First of all, I believe that job satisfaction Gives people a sense of fulfilment that money cannot guarantee. If you do not feel good about what you do and it does not interest you it is such a large part of your life that it will sooner or later affect you adversely. Conversely pursuing one’s interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of achievement. For example, a lot of people choose to do social work, althoughalthough it is not well paid, but because they were passionate about helping others. That’s why it’s so important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy rather than to look only at your bank account. Secondly, doing what you like keeps you focused and motivated and you will fulfil your potential. In other words, there is a strong relation between job satisfaction and productivity. People who do jobs they like will not watch the clock and they will achieve better results than those, who put their salary first. Look at George Orwell, who came from a good family and had a very good education gave up everything in order to fulfil his ambition of becoming a writer. I am convinced that for these reasons, job satisfaction outweighs the inconveniences of a low salary certainly from a career point of view. In conclusion all the trappings of wealth do not compensate for a sense of unfulfillment.
I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heard that it is more advantageous to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high wage, even if it does not interest you at all. I am in total disagreement with this statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than a high salary.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
satisfaction


Gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
that money cannot guarantee. If you do not feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
about what you do and it does not interest you it is such a large part of your life that it will sooner or later affect you
adversely
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Conversely
pursuing one’s interests will always bring pleasure and a feeling of achievement.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to do social work,
Possible spelling mistake found.
althoughalthough
it is not well paid,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were passionate about helping others. That’s why it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to choose the kind of work that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy
rather
than to look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at your bank account.
Secondly
, doing what you like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you focused and motivated and you will fulfil your potential.

In other words
, there is a strong relation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and productivity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
they like will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
clock and
they will achieve better results than those, who put their salary
first
.

Look at George Orwell, who came from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
family and had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education gave up everything in order to fulfil his ambition of becoming a writer. I
am convinced
that for these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction outweighs the inconveniences of a low salary
certainly
from a career point of view.

In conclusion
all the trappings of wealth do not compensate for a sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unfulfillment
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Provide relevant examples if necessary. v. 19

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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