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Beside alot of advantages, some people believe that the internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Beside alot of advantages, some people believe that the internet creates many problems. with this statement? v. 2
In the current society, it is universally believed that the internet has been gaining its popularity at an amazing rate. Some people assert that the internet brings us a lot of benefits while many others argue that its drawbacks should not be ignored. It is quite understandable that people from different backgrounds put different interpretations on the same issue. Those who favour that the internet has many advantages give their reasons as follows. In the first place, it is evident that the internet brings us great convenience and efficiency. For example, we can send Emails to our friends in other countries in a few minutes while sending a traditional letter takes us at least a week and costs much. In the second place, it is a well-known fact that we can make friends with people from all parts of the world. Apparently, It overcomes the geographical barriers and makes the world smaller. Furthermore, it is true that the internet accelerates the flow of information and spreads education to all corners of the globe. In other words, we can have easy and quick access to the latest data worldwide. On the other hand, some other people hold a different attitude, argue that the internet has many weaknesses. For one thing, it seems that it can easily lead to psychological problems. For instance, an internet-addicted person tends to be isolated, self-centred and unsociable. For another, it is obvious that there is a sharp rise in the number of cyber crimes. More and more financial crimes such as money laundering are committed via the internet. In addition, it also has negative impacts on young people because there are a lot of obscene and violent contents online. There is probably a little bit of truth in both arguments. For my part, I agree entirely with the latter view that the internet has more disadvantages than advantages. It gives rise to people’s mental problem. It results in various computer crimes. It is harmful to the growth of the youth. Therefore, something should be done as soon as possible to protect people from adverse effects of the internet.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society, it is
universally
believed that the internet has been gaining its popularity at an amazing rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that the internet brings us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others argue that its drawbacks should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. It is quite understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interpretations on the same issue.

Those who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
that the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages give their reasons as follows. In the
first
place, it is evident that the internet brings us great convenience and efficiency.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
Emails to our friends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries in a few minutes while sending a traditional letter takes us at least a week and costs much. In the second place,
it is a well-known fact that
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all parts of the world.
Apparently
, It overcomes the geographical barriers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world smaller.
Furthermore
, it is true that the internet accelerates the flow of information and spreads education to all corners of the globe. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, we can have easy and quick access to the latest data worldwide.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitude, argue that the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
weaknesses. For one thing, it seems that it can
easily
lead to psychological problems.
For instance
, an internet-addicted person tends to
be isolated
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
and unsociable.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
another, it is obvious that there is a sharp rise in the number of cyber crimes. More and more financial crimes such as money laundering
are committed
via the internet.
In addition
, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
obscene and violent contents online.

There is
probably
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of truth in both arguments. For my part, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
entirely
with the latter view that the internet has more disadvantages than advantages. It gives rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental problem. It results in various computer crimes.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
is harmful to the growth of the youth.
Therefore
, something should
be done
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from adverse effects of the internet.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Beside alot of advantages, some people believe that the internet creates many problems. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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