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Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. To what extent do you agree on this statement? v.1

Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. v. 1
Although there is no doubt that startdom can be advantageous, it is also important to considered that troubles are also part of it. In my opinion, I completely disgree with the above statement and this essay will discuss and support my stand. To begin with, famous personality have more rewarding life than any common person. Firstly, they have all the fame and addulation from fans across the country, people are mostly influenced by their word, and they are highly paid for minimilistic act. Secondly, Many advertising agency only prefer celebrities for propogating a product. For Instances, Colgate the toothpaste company never had a famous actor doing their campaign, however in recent years they also have started prefering booming starts for their advertisement. As a result, famous person has both a celebrity status and money. Furthermore, prominent personalities have support of the political parties and these governing bodies prefer the outspoken people for their campaign for which they are heavyly paid. on the other hand, with all of benefits some problems are also attached such as media harassment, paparazzi have been a very damaging to some celebrity, such as princess Diana, the team of photographs were following her in the car to click her photos, in order to avoid it the driver took a different route and they might the deadly accident, but these are rare cases. Overall, celebrity enjoy and they rarely have any problems comparing it to the normal person. To conclude this, with great power comes the great responsiblity and celebrity are well aware how to encash these opportunity, without being in any trouble. Therefore, I disagree that celebrity have problems and benefits at the same time.
Although there is no doubt that
Possible spelling mistake found.
startdom
can be advantageous, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to considered that troubles are
also
part of it. In my opinion, I completely
Possible spelling mistake found.
disgree
with the above statement and this essay will discuss and support my stand.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personality have more rewarding life than any common person.
Firstly
, they have all the fame and
Possible spelling mistake found.
addulation
from fans across the country,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
mostly
influenced by their word, and they are
highly
paid for
Possible spelling mistake found.
minimilistic
act.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
advertising agency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
propogating
a product. For Instances, Colgate the toothpaste
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
never had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actor doing their campaign,
however
in recent years they
also
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Possible spelling mistake found.
prefering
booming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
for their advertisement.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person has both a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
status and money.

Furthermore
, prominent personalities have support of the political parties and these governing bodies prefer the outspoken
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for their campaign for which they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
heavyly
paid.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, with
Consider using "all benefits" or "all of the benefits".
all of benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems are
also
attached such as media harassment, paparazzi have been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
damaging to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, such as princess Diana, the team of photographs
Possible agreement error
were
following her in the car to click her photos, in order to avoid it the driver took a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
route and
they might the deadly accident,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are rare cases.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enjoy and
they rarely have any problems comparing it to the normal person.

To conclude
this, with great power
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the great
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
are well aware how to
Possible spelling mistake found.
encash
Did you mean "this opportunity" or "these opportunities"?
these opportunity
, without being in any trouble.
Therefore
, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
have problems and benefits at the same time.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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