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The table below shows UK residents visits abroad by country of visit from 2004 to 2008 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The table below shows UK residents visits abroad by country of visit from 2004 to 2008
The terms and conditions set by any organization for its employees are known as job requirements. In my opinion, physical appearance of officials in any organization is as important as their working skills during office hours. (36) We had seen in the past that there were no specific job requirements, like dress smartly, for people working in any organization excluding uniform positions. An employee had judged by his work rather than his outlook in the past. Presently, the employees are bound to follow certain dress codes and office rules in many organizations. In addition, while hiring staff, the employers are also considering applicant’s personality in addition to their academics and experiences. Thus, physical appearance is treated exactly the same way as working abilities. (86) It has now become compulsory for a person, employed in a bank, hospital, shopping centre, government office or in any organization, to look nice and smart as he has to interact with different people during work time. While this condition seems irrelevant for those working online on computers or employed in the production units of different organizations. In such situations, the quality of work has always given preference. Hence, if the employers keep on improving their attitude towards professionalism, then it will become necessary for applicants in the near future to have higher qualifications as well as a pleasant personality to meet requirements of certain jobs. (105) Finally, in my opinion, both quality and appearance is important in the professional world. The quality of work surely boosts the reputation of any organization while the physical appearance builds our good impression among those people who worked collaboratively with us. (38)
The terms and conditions set by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
for its employees
are known
as job requirements. In my opinion, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
of officials in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
during office hours. (36)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that there were no specific job requirements, like dress
smartly
, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
excluding uniform positions. An employee had judged by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
rather
than his outlook in the past.
Presently
, the employees
are bound
to follow certain dress codes and office
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
In addition
, while hiring staff, the employers are
also
considering applicant’s personality
in addition
to their academics and experiences.
Thus
, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is treated
exactly the same way as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
abilities. (86)

It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become compulsory for a person, employed in a bank, hospital, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
office or in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
, to look nice and smart as he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
time. While this condition seems irrelevant for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
online on computers or employed in the production units of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
. In such situations, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
preference.
Hence
, if the employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on improving their attitude towards professionalism, then it will become necessary for applicants in the near future to have higher qualifications
as well
as a pleasant personality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
requirements of certain jobs. (105)

Finally
, in my opinion, both quality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the professional world. The quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
surely
boosts the reputation of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
while the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
builds our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression among those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who worked
collaboratively
with us. (38)
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below shows UK residents visits abroad by country of visit from 2004 to 2008

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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