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Behavior Modification. Using the example from the lecture, explain what behavior modification is and how it works. v.1

Behavior Modification. Using the example from the lecture, explain what behavior modification is and how it works. v. 1
In recent years, there has been an increasing pattern of over consumption of fast food among people, which leads to serious health issues. This rise has resulted in a belief that if the government levies higher tax on such sort of food, it will reduce the problem. I argue that, although it is helpful, but that’s not the only solution to curb the issue. To begin with, it is an irrefutable fact that eating an excess amount of fast food leads to major health issues in the long run. This is because it contains a large amount of fats and oil, which ultimately deteriorates the health of an individual. In order to reduce this problem, if the government levies hefty tax on such food items, it may refrain a lot of people from buying anything expensive. On the other hand, it might also lead to a reduction in the income generated by fast food companies. However, this problem of increase in health issues can be overcome by adopting certain friendly measures. If the government takes more impactful measures to raise awareness among the general public about the ways to maintain good health or provide better healthcare services, it will help them maintain a regular exercise regime along with a healthy lifestyle. Alternatively, raising taxes might not transform the number either. For instance, the government is already charging heavily for alcohol and cigarettes. But, there is hardly any decrease in the number of these consumers. To conclude, while increasing taxes on fast food might prove to be helpful in reducing the number of junk food consumers, but there is a need to curb the problem from the root. The government needs to take stricter measures and provide better facilities for health care in order to remove the cause.
In recent years, there has been an increasing pattern of over consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which leads to serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. This rise has resulted in a belief that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
levies higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on such sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. I argue that, although it is helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that’s not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to curb the issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is an irrefutable fact that eating an excess amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
leads to major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in the long run. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contains a large amount of fats and oil, which
ultimately
deteriorates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of an individual. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
levies hefty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items, it may refrain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from buying anything expensive.
On the other hand
, it might
also
lead to a reduction in the income generated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues can
be overcome
by adopting certain friendly measures. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes more impactful measures to raise awareness among the
Consider using "public".
general public
about the ways to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or provide better healthcare services, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them maintain a regular exercise regime along with a healthy lifestyle.
Alternatively
, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
might not transform the number either.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is already charging
heavily
for alcohol and cigarettes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there is hardly any decrease in the number of these consumers.

To conclude
, while increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
might prove to be helpful in reducing the number of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a need to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
from the root. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to take stricter measures and provide better facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care in order to remove the cause.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Behavior Modification. Using the example from the lecture, explain what behavior modification is and how it works. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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