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Because the world is changing so quickly, people are now less happy and less satisfy with their lives than people were in the past. Agree or disagree? v.1

Because the world is changing so quickly, people are now less happy and less satisfy with their lives than people were in the past. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Entertainment is one the major leisure activity for the every individual. Although it is considered by many that in order to watch movies one do not need to go to the cinema as now it is easily accessible through smart devices, while others assert that the theatres are the most profound way to totally appreciate. In fact, I agree with those who prefer to see movies in a cinema hall. On the one hand, supporters of watching the motion pictures by the cell phones or tablets claim that they provide flexibility in terms of watching. In other words, observing films through the various online resources provides the feature of pausing and resuming the video at a later stage if someone has to go for an urgent work, which is more feasible for men and women in these fast-paced world. Take hot star, for instance, have the facility of observing at the one convenient time, plus there are all new released films available on the same day. Additionally, the subscription rate for these applications is comparatively low as compared to the silver screen, which saves a lot of money for the whole family as they all can watch films by a single purchase. Eventually, certain section of the population claims that the smart technological devices offer freedom and the cost is very minimal. On the other hand, I side with those who think that movies are cherished fully in the multiplex for several reasons. Firstly, they not only have gigantic screen, but there are many other fascinating features like Dolby surrounding, 3D animation and many more which oftenly adds excitement for many viewers. Secondly, if people will start seeing them through the internet, they might reduce the social communication that is done many times by the people when going at a film hall. It is one modern way for the majority of the humans to make new friends as there are many unknown men and women whom they can meet. Therefore, multiplex offers new technical viewing plus there are many not known people for interacting. In conclusion, it can be inferred that despite the benefits of lower cost and higher adaptability that tablets provides, I along with many believe that satisfaction of watching the movies can ultimately be achieved through the gigantic screen.
Entertainment is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the major leisure activity for the every individual. Although it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
one do not need to go to the cinema as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is
easily
accessible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
smart devices, while others assert that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
are the most profound way to
totally
appreciate. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in a cinema hall.

On the one hand, supporters of watching the motion pictures by the cell phones or tablets claim that they provide flexibility in terms of watching. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, observing films
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the various online resources provides the feature of pausing and resuming the video at a later stage if someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go for an urgent work, which is more feasible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world. Take hot star,
for instance
, have the facility of observing at the one convenient time, plus there are all
Make sure that the adjective 'new' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'released'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
new released
films available on the same day.
Additionally
, the subscription rate for these applications is
comparatively
low as compared to the silver screen, which saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for the whole family as they all can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films by a single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
Eventually
, certain section of the population claims that the smart technological devices offer freedom and the cost is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I side with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are cherished
fully
in the multiplex for several reasons.
Firstly
, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have gigantic screen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fascinating features like Dolby surrounding, 3D animation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more which
Possible spelling mistake found.
oftenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
excitement for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viewers.
Secondly
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
seeing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the internet, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the social communication that
is done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when going at a film hall. It is one modern way for the majority of the humans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unknown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women whom they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
Therefore
, multiplex offers new technical viewing plus there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
not known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for interacting.

In conclusion
, it can
be inferred
that despite the benefits of lower cost and higher adaptability that tablets provides, I along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that satisfaction of watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can
ultimately
be achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the gigantic screen.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Because the world is changing so quickly, people are now less happy and less satisfy with their lives than people were in the past. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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