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Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? Write your argumentative essay. v.2

Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? Write your argumentative essay. v. 2
Health is the fundamental to every individual life and for that one has to be active and fit. Keeping this in view educational sector has taken the right decision to make it compulsory for students to spend their time for recreational activities to be active and healthy. There are many reasons for not having a better and healthy life, some of them we will be discussing hereunder. Modernize societies have changed their living style, and so their children. They enjoy the time within their comfort zone, which makes them lazy and inactive and bring a lot of medical problems also in their later life. So in this scenario the activities they will be in school and universities will only be the source of being physically active and will protect them from allot of negative impact in the future. Secondly, engaging themselves in sports will definitely regulate their hormone levels, one of the most important hormones that release is epinephrine and it's also called happy hormone that will keep the individual Happy and stress free. Another important thing is, extracurricular activities keep the student energetic and confident and it improves their mental health. Confidence strengthens one's will and hence the immune system. If and individual has a stronger immune system, it will eventually be able to act as body'd defence system and protect them from being sick. Lastly, activities in school and universities will also help them to build their physical structure more stronger they recover immediately from minor injuries in contrast to individuals who don't take part in such activities. To conclude this, the great saying health is wealth is the exact match for this essay educational sector has taken the positive measure to reduce the burden of health in the future. I hope the government will take the measure to make it compulsory for each and every educational institution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is the fundamental to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
life and for that one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be active and fit. Keeping this in view educational sector has taken the right decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it compulsory for students to spend their time for recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to be active and healthy.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for not having a better and healthy life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them we will be discussing hereunder. Modernize societies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their living style, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their children. They enjoy the time within their comfort zone, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lazy and inactive and bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
medical problems
also
in their later life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in this scenario the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they will be in school and universities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be the source of being
physically
active and will protect them from
Did you mean "a lot of" (=plenty)?
allot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in the future.

Secondly
, engaging themselves in sports will definitely regulate their hormone levels, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
hormones that release is epinephrine and it's
also
called happy hormone that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
Happy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is, extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the student energetic and confident and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Confidence strengthens one's will and
hence
the immune system. If and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has a stronger immune system, it will
eventually
be able to act as body'd
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
system and protect them from being sick.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in school and universities will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build their physical structure
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
they recover immediately from minor injuries
in contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such activities.

To conclude
this, the great saying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth is the exact match for this essay educational sector has taken the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the future. I hope the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will take the measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it compulsory for each and every educational institution.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? Write your argumentative essay. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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