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At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v.2

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 2
In my personal opinion, sports and social activities are equally important as academic courses. Sports help a student keep in good shape, this make him have a healthy body. A healthy body give a student the ability to concentrate on his work. Social activities help a student build up relationships with others, this make him have a healthy mind. A healthy mind give a student the ability to look on the bright side of things, so he can always stay positive. However, some people think that instead of putting money into these activities, it' s better to invest in academic courses, so students can notice the importance of those courses, and thus trying to study harder and put more effort on it. If students focus more on their subjects, they can get more from them. As a consequence, they can become the professionals on particular fields, and help the world become a better place. Nevertheless, I think nobody can do great things without a healthy body. If students keep study all the time without any exercise, they may get tired easily. Even worse, they may get sick. This may distract them form school work. In addition, if students keep sitting on the chair without having any contact with others, this may lead to unhealthy minds, and end up doing harm to themselves, or even worse, to society. Moreover, lacking of exercising and social connecting may become part of the hobby for students later in their lives. Imagine a person work around the clock. He tries so hard hoping that he can success in his career. No matter how hard he try, because of the poor condition of his body, he can' t concentrate on his work, thus having a bad performance on his job. Because he can' t achieve the expectation of his employer, he feel very frustrated and stressful. He is going through a lot of pressure, but there is no one he can find to give him a helping hand. Because of lacking of social skills, he doesn' t have much connections with others. As a consequence, this person is in a very bad situation, he has not only an unhealthy body, but also an unhealthy mind. This may cause severe problems to the society. On the other hand, if a person is healthy, he can not only do a really good job in his field, but also have positive influence on other people. He can easily build up relationships with others. When he needs help, there is always a person that is ready for him. Making our environment much warm and positive place to live. As a result, I think sports and social activities are equally important as academic courses.
In my personal opinion, sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
the ability to concentrate on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
build up relationships with others, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
the ability to look on the bright side of things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he can always stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
instead
of putting money into these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s better to invest in academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can notice the importance of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, and
thus
trying to study harder and put more effort on it. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus more on their subjects, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more from them. As a consequence, they can become the professionals on particular fields, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the world become a better place.

Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
nobody can do great things without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
study all the time without any exercise, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired
easily
. Even worse, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick. This may distract them form school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
sitting on the chair without having any contact with others, this may lead to unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up doing harm to themselves, or even worse, to society.

Moreover
, lacking of exercising and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
connecting may become part of the hobby for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
later in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Imagine a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
around the clock. He tries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
hoping that he can success in his career. No matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tries", "tried".
try
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the poor condition of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, he
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t concentrate on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
thus
having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
performance on his job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t achieve the expectation of his employer, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "feels", "felt".
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frustrated and stressful. He is going through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no one he can find to give him a helping hand.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of lacking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, he
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
connections with others. As a consequence, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation, he has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. This may cause severe problems to the society.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, he can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do a
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in his field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. He can
easily
build up relationships with others. When he needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, there is always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
that is
ready for him. Making our environment much warm and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
As a result
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
453 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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