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at thepresent time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, comparade with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

at thepresent time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, comparade with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The population of elderly people in several country is concernedfacing a decrease i total. By the contrast, an increase of young adults is happening in this modern era so that it brings twofold adventages and i think the goverment should offer more education in orther that the youths can bedeveloped faster. To begin with the role of elders in giving advise and opportunity for the next generation related to survive in this modern life. their struggles that brings benefit to the new kives nowadays. For instance, the veterans who had a combat with the colonizer in order to liberate the coutry. nowadays, even though their powers are less than young people, at least developing an organisation to protect them by the authority in which way to respect their sacrifices. On one side, firistly higher population of youth generation is a power of country. Moreover, a lot of youngrs having the fresh critical thinking that can improve the social life, not only to their country but even for the world generally. thus, the government should pay more attantion in increasing the fasilities for those modern generation who will be obviously respected in universe entirely. Secondly, young adults is phisically strongger so that it makes them easier to earn money to survive in this days. To summary, the government should not deny the veterans because they have a huge role for independence of the country to respect their struggles. However the authority either not avoid the potency having by freshmen who are increasing in the middle of population and protect the as well as propiding the advanced fasilities in order that improves their achievements for the country.
The population of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
concernedfacing
a decrease
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
total. By the contrast, an increase of young adults is happening in this modern era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it brings twofold
Possible spelling mistake found.
adventages
and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
should offer more education in
Possible spelling mistake found.
orther
that the youths can
Possible spelling mistake found.
bedeveloped
faster.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the role of elders in giving
The word 'advise' is a verb. Did you mean "advice" (noun)?
advise
and opportunity for the
next
generation related to survive in this modern life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
their
struggles that brings benefit to the new
Possible spelling mistake found.
kives
nowadays.
For instance
, the veterans who had a combat with the colonizer in order to liberate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
coutry
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nowadays
,
even though
their powers are less than young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, at least developing an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to protect them by the authority in which way to respect their sacrifices.

On one side,
Possible spelling mistake found.
firistly
higher population of youth generation is a power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngrs
having the fresh critical thinking that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the social life, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even for the world
generally
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay more
Possible spelling mistake found.
attantion
in increasing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fasilities
for those modern generation who will be
obviously
respected in universe
entirely
.
Secondly
, young adults is
Possible spelling mistake found.
phisically
Possible spelling mistake found.
strongger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them easier to earn money to survive in
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
.

To summary, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not deny the veterans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a huge role for independence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to respect their struggles.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the authority either not avoid the potency having by freshmen who are increasing in the middle of population and protect the
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
propiding
the advanced
Possible spelling mistake found.
fasilities
in order that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their achievements for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes

IELTS essay at thepresent time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, comparade with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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