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some people think that parents should teach chidren how to be a good member of society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.2

some people think that parents should teach chidren how to be a good member of society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 2
There are many ways to shape great behaviour of somebody. Several think school is the best place for it, while others assume that it is wrong perception. In my point of view, making a nice personality of children should be started by their first environment which is their family. School is one of formal education that can give some new knowledge for pupil. However, it can not give the deeper lessons about behaviour and even personality. Generally speaking, school just tend to offer the sure knowledge such as science, math, and many more. It is rarely deliver an instruction for being an ideal member of society. There are a couple of smart children who have the cheesy character because their parents do not share enough affection to them due to the business. In addition, formal school used to put only attention to their brains without caring of their habituates. On the other hand, parents are the crucial role for youth society. A kind mother grows up her child with full affection will create the soft character person not only to their family but also to others generally. Furthermore, well treating from family, either mother-father or even brother-sister can make the youths feel more confident in everywhere they are. They can teach throughout showing their children how to respect others and even elders even though the unknown people. To summary, although school provide variety of complete facilities, it is not making sure that the character of pupils can be led. In spite of family should be the first teacher who can teach a great behaviour for their children to create a nice generation that can be useful for both their relatives and country.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to shape great
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of somebody. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the best place for it, while others assume that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
perception. In my point of view, making a nice personality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by their
first
environment which is their family.

School is one of formal education that can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new knowledge for pupil.
However
, it can not give the deeper lessons about
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and even personality.
Generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
tend to offer the sure knowledge such as science, math, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. It is rarely
Consider using a past participle here: "delivered".
deliver
an instruction for being an ideal member of society. There are a couple of smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have the cheesy character
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents do not share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
affection to them due to the business.
In addition
, formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attention to their brains without caring of their habituates.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, parents are the crucial role for youth society. A kind mother grows up her child with full affection will create the soft character person not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to others
generally
.
Furthermore
, well treating from family, either mother-father or even brother-sister can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the youths feel more confident in everywhere they are. They can teach throughout showing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to respect others and even elders
even though
the unknown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To summary, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provide variety of complete facilities, it is not making sure that the character of pupils can
be led
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
family should be the
first
teacher who can teach a great
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to create a nice generation that can be useful for both their relatives and country.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that parents should teach chidren how to be a good member of society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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