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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.27

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 27
Nowadays, people in some countries believed that the young people are more than the elderly. I believe that the benefits of young population will certainly overcome the disadvantages. This essay will be explained more about this issue. On the one hand, there are certainly several benefits to having a high proportion of young people. To begin with, younger people are more productive than older people and also healthier. The youth in the present is considered as a main labour resource of a nation, when they have a good income, they will need to pay tax for society and government will also be greater. This helps the country develop and be accepted in the global stage due to young people are easily receptive to global development and access to knowledge in the fields of economies and science, which the elder cannot afford to do. On the other hand, the growing population of younger residents compared to the old, comes with its own drawback. Initially, it can be said that the youth will learn a lot from the seniority of the society because older people have experienced many situations and feeling in life, so there are a significant number of life lessons that they have to be absorbed. Furthermore, young people do not tend the nation’s culture, so the traditional culture will be lost in the near future. To sum up, although the high rate of youth has its own disadvantages, I still believed that the benefits will be more justified in this issue.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more than the elderly. I believe that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population will
certainly
overcome the disadvantages. This essay will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
more about this issue.

On the one hand, there are
certainly
several benefits to having a high proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more productive than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
healthier. The youth in the present
is considered
as a main
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
resource of a nation, when they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income, they will need to pay tax for society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
also
be greater. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the country develop and be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the global stage due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
receptive to global development and access to knowledge in the fields of economies and science, which the elder cannot afford to do.

On the other hand
, the growing population of younger residents compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawback.
Initially
, it can
be said
that the youth will learn a lot from the seniority of the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations and feeling in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are a significant number of life lessons that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be absorbed
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not tend the nation’s culture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the traditional culture will
be lost
in the near future.

To sum up, although the high rate of youth has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages, I
still
believed that the benefits will be more justified in this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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