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Students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying jobs, To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying jobs, v. 1
With the ever-increasing competitiveness between those university graduates, some students have decided to choose a university major that can obtain jobs with higher pay. The essay will discuss why I partially agree that based on their future career opportunity and their dreams. First of all, I believe that a person’s interest should be the biggest factor when choosing a major. If a student chooses a major that is only based on financial reward rather than on fulfilment will lead to a life of misery as we spend most of our lives at work. People are only willing to dedicate their time and money for what they really like otherwise they are not going to enjoy it. For example, many medical students change their major to art during their university career even though they have almost finished it. Working in a gallery each day, surrounded by their drawings in their rooms, is what they really want. As a result, students should choose to major in an area where they can see themselves happy and fulfilled. If high salary comes along with that, then it’s a bonus. However, for those students that have no idea what major they should choose, studying a major that can have a higher salary is not a bad idea. Some degrees such as science or engineering are more likely to secure jobs and a clear career trajectory. Although they may not enjoy their university lives, it is probably worthwhile. For instance, in Hong Kong, engineers have an average wage of around $30000 and a promotion opportunity every three years. In comparison, more often than not, those university graduates with humanities or social science degrees have relatively low wages. Therefore, not taking a science or engineering major is obviously a bad idea in the sense that your future career will be a lack of choices. Having discussed that students after university graduation are more likely to have a clear career trajectory and are able to know more creative and knowledgeable colleagues. In my opinion, I agree that they should choose a university major to further their studies if they have a clear dream and ambition.
With the ever-increasing competitiveness between those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that can obtain jobs with higher pay. The essay will discuss why I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that based on their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
opportunity and their dreams.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that a person’s interest should be the biggest factor when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
based on financial reward
rather
than on
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
will lead to a life of misery as we spend most of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
willing to dedicate their time and money for what they
really
like
otherwise
they are not going to enjoy it.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
to art during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
even though
they have almost finished it. Working in a gallery each day, surrounded by their drawings in their rooms, is what they
really
want.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in an area where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
themselves happy and fulfilled. If high salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with that, then it’s a bonus.

However
, for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
, studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that can have a higher salary is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
degrees such as science or engineering are more likely to secure jobs and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
trajectory. Although they may not enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it is
probably
worthwhile.
For instance
, in Hong Kong, engineers have an average wage of around $30000 and a promotion opportunity every three years.
In comparison
, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates with humanities or social science degrees have
relatively
low wages.
Therefore
, not taking a science or engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
is
obviously
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in the sense that your future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
will be a lack of choices.

Having discussed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduation are more likely to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
trajectory and are able to know more creative and knowledgeable colleagues. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
to
further
their studies if they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
dream and ambition.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying jobs, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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