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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.16

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 16
In some countries, population increases, which means the proportion of youngsters is significantly greater than old people. The majority of society believes this can help with economic growth and use update gadgets for society management by young adults while others disagree and think the experience is much vital than youth power. In this essay both positive and negative points will be discussed. On one side, when the majority of people are adolescents there are enough labour which leads to grow GDP and other economic factors for development. In addition, by the power of economy the country will develop sustainable which guarantees the future. For an instance, in a country with lack of labour governments should import them or manufacturing products in another country which imposes costs on the country. Moreover, senior managers cannot apply technology, however, by using cutting-edge management science and considering the growth in population, young governments can better manage assets with the help of technology. On the other side, senior citizens have lots of experiences which young generation do not. If youngsters want to try and error previous actions, wide range of time and capital will be wasted. Therefore, it is a necessity, not to eliminate all older and use any of them. These experiences can never replace by the technology, although they should be stored for future generation of different gadgets. To summarize, the advantages of living in a young society outweigh the disadvantages, however, there should be some considerations for employing older people. Their experiences are a great source of inspiration for young adults for the future decisions.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, population increases, which means the proportion of youngsters is
significantly
greater than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The majority of society believes this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with economic growth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
update gadgets for society management by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults while others disagree and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is much
Use "(vital)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
vital
than youth power. In this essay both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points will
be discussed
.

On one side, when the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are adolescents there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
which leads to grow GDP and other economic factors for development.
In addition
, by the power of economy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will develop sustainable which guarantees the future. For an instance, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should import them or manufacturing products in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which imposes costs on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, senior managers cannot apply technology,
however
, by using cutting-edge management science and considering the growth in population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can better manage assets with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology.

On the other side, senior citizens have lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation do not. If youngsters want to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
error previous actions, wide range of time and capital will
be wasted
.
Therefore
, it is a necessity, not to eliminate all older and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any of them. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can never replace by the technology, although they should
be stored
for future generation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gadgets.

To summarize
, the advantages of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
society outweigh the disadvantages,
however
, there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations for employing older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are a great source of inspiration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults for the future decisions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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