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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
Gender differences have been blurred since the post modern era. Many women leaders have been serving in varied countries in the world successfully; however, some argue that they are unable to work in armed departments as this demand strong physique which women do not possess. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this statement because their abilities were already proven during the time of world war-2. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that women have many characteristics which are extremely important to become a part of any force department: excellent communication skills, administration skills, and love and compassion towards fellow workers. All these virtues make them an appropriate candidate for this. Lady commando, for instance, she would judge the situation entirely different than her counterparts do, which means she may not be provacted easily by others behaviour and loss temper instead think wisely and take prompt action to tackle this effectively. Yet, another point to consider that, despite the physical weakness of the female, they could handle noncombatant job and allow men to work on physically demanding areas. Take administrative jobs as an example, which are really suitable for women since they have the innate ability for this. Apart from this, nowadays, with advancing technology, physical limitation can be minimised significantly; therefore, those who are arguing to limit womens' entry from military force cannot be prevented. By way of conclusion, although several viewpoints are against of female recruiters in the armed force, I believe that they can equally well as men. It is also predicted that, female commandos perform even better if they give appropriate training and education.
Gender differences have
been blurred
since the
post modern
era.
Many
women
leaders have been serving in varied countries in the world
successfully
;
however
,
some
argue that they are unable to work in armed departments as this demand strong physique which
women
do not possess. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree with this statement
because
their abilities were already proven during the time of world war-2.

First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that
women
have
many
characteristics which are
extremely
important
to become a part of any force department: excellent communication
skills
, administration
skills
, and
love
and compassion towards fellow workers. All these virtues
make
them an appropriate candidate for this. Lady commando,
for instance
, she would judge the situation
entirely
different
than
her counterparts do, which means she may not be
provacted
easily
by others
behaviour
and loss temper
instead
think
wisely
and take prompt action to tackle this
effectively
.

Yet
, another point to consider that, despite the physical weakness of the female, they could handle noncombatant job and
allow
men
to work on
physically
demanding areas. Take administrative jobs as an example, which are
really
suitable for
women
since they have the innate ability for this. Apart from this, nowadays, with advancing technology, physical limitation can be
minimised
significantly
;
therefore
, those who are arguing to limit
womens
' entry from military force cannot be
prevented
.

By way of conclusion, although several viewpoints are against of female recruiters in the armed force, I believe that they can
equally
well as
men
. It is
also
predicted that, female commandos perform even better if they give appropriate training and education.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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