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At the present time, the population of some countries include a relative large number of young adults, compared with the number of older peopleDo the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

At the present time, the population of some countries include a relative large number of young adults, compared with the number of older peopleDo the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Today, researching family genealogy is increasingly gaining popularity among people. The main reason behind this trend is curiosity and new technological advances. In my opinion, this is a positive development which helps people have a knowledge of family history, and comes with health benefits. There are a growing number of people who are digging into their genealogical roots. The chief reason is that people are very curious about their family lineage. For example, before the technological developments, people used to listen to stories, which is told by their grandparents or parents, as to their family tree. In other words, people have been relying on oral information whether is reliable or not, about family history. However, new technologies such as DNA and the internet allow people to access to the accurate information about their family tree. Therefore, genealogical research has gained popularity. Tracing family lineage provides reliable information and substantial health benefits. One of the greatest benefits of it is that people access to reliable the documented information about their ancestors, which are about who they are, where they lived, and whether they are famous or not and more. Even better, digging into family tree can allow people to find inheritable diseases such as heart diseases, cancer and obesity which are passed on from one generation to one another. For instance, if a genetic disorder can be detected in the family health history, people can effectively prepare for those possibilities. Thus, the popularity of genealogical research plays an important role in people’s live. In conclusion, tracing family history is a growing trend among curious people. So, is this trend is beneficial to people? In my opinion, genealogical research can greatly play an important role in people’s lives due to that it offers an accurate information of family history as well as the clear evident of possible diseases.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, researching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
genealogy is
increasingly
gaining popularity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The main reason behind this trend is curiosity and new technological advances. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with health benefits.

There are a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are digging into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genealogical
roots. The chief reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
curious about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
lineage.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the technological developments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to listen to stories, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
by their grandparents or parents, as to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been relying on oral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
whether is reliable or not, about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
However
, new technologies such as DNA and the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access to the accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genealogical
research has gained popularity.

Tracing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
lineage provides reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and substantial health benefits. One of the greatest benefits of it is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
access to reliable the documented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about their ancestors, which are about who they are, where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
, and whether they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
or not and more. Even better, digging into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find inheritable diseases such as heart diseases, cancer and obesity which
are passed
on from one generation to one another.
For instance
, if a genetic disorder can
be detected
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
effectively
prepare for those possibilities.
Thus
, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genealogical
research plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, tracing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is a growing trend among curious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, is this trend is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
? In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genealogical
research can
greatly
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to that it offers an accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as well
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evident of possible diseases.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries include a relative large number of young adults, compared with the number of older peopleDo the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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