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As well as making money businesses have social responsibility. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

As well as making money businesses have social responsibility. v. 1
In addition to an organisation’s main aim to maximize profit, they are also obliged to carry out corporate social responsibility. Personally, I agree because it reduces their medical cost and tax liability. To begin, the implementation of a community service program by the business within its environs will reduce the medical cost incurred by staff. This is because employees of the organisation will benefit from the charity work done, which will reduce their stress level and improve their health conditions. For instance, Exxon Mobil Balyesa revealed that after cleaning the residue of oil spillage from the community river in 2016. It recorded a 70 % reduction in the annual medical expenses. This was attributed to the fact that locals benefited from the use of clean water in their daily lives, which improved their general well being. Another point to consider, is that carrying out social duties by a business to its immediate environment will be used to reduce the company's tax liability. In other words, by performing a charitable project within the accounting year, the organisation can present records of the cost incurred on the project to the government to obtain a levy rebate. For instance, Dangote groups of Companies obtained 70% tax reduction from Kogi State Government on its taxable profit in 2019 because of the construction of access road to its factory, located at Obajana. Consequently, the company had to pay a reduced tax amount for that year. In conclusion, along with businesses primary objective of making profit. I agree that, it is necessary for them to perform corporate social duties in other to reduce medical expenses and for reduced tax obligation purposes.
In addition
to an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
’s main aim to maximize profit, they are
also
obliged to carry out corporate social responsibility.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
cost and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
liability.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the implementation of a community service program by the business within its environs will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
cost incurred by staff. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
employees of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will benefit from the charity work done, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health conditions.
For instance
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
Exxon Mobil
Possible spelling mistake found.
Balyesa
revealed that after cleaning the residue of oil spillage from the community river in 2016. It recorded a 70 % reduction in the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expenses. This
was attributed
to the fact that locals benefited from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of clean water in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their general
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

Another point to consider, is that carrying out social duties by a business to its immediate environment will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
liability.
In other words
, by performing a charitable project within the accounting year, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
can present records of the cost incurred on the project to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to obtain a levy rebate.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dangote
groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
obtained 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
reduction from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kogi
State
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
on its taxable profit in 2019
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the construction of access road to its factory, located at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Obajana
.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
had to pay a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
amount for that year.

In conclusion
, along with businesses primary objective of making profit. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, it is necessary for them to perform corporate social duties in other to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expenses and for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
obligation purposes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay As well as making money businesses have social responsibility. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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