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“Should smoking in public places be banned”? Give your views. v.1

“Should smoking in public places be banned”? Give your views. v. 1
In the present era, smoking has become a trend, especially amongst the younger generation. It not only affects the smoker, but those around him as well. A large number of people speculate that this should be banned in public places and I completely support the idea in order to prevent its negative effects on both humans and nature. To begin with, smoking is much more harmful to the passive smokers than the person himself. When an individual lights up a cigarette in a populated place, he emits second-hand vapours which are then inhaled by the population around. These inhaled fumes have adverse effects on the respiratory system of women and children. According to scientific studies, passive smoking puts a person at twenty percent more risk. Furthermore, cigarettes also contain nicotine, which is not only cancer causing, but leads to severe health issues as well, such as heart attacks and asthma. Thus, it would be humane to stop this malpractice and let everyone enjoy a healthy life. In addition, smoking also aggravates the pollution which is one of the major issues being faced today globally. The emitted gases are an addition to the exhausts from vehicles and factories which further cause significant damage to the environment by depleting the ozone layer which is responsible for protecting us from the sun’s harmful UV rays. Moreover, the leftover buds pollute soil and water as they release harmful chemicals upon coming in contact with soil, which then seep down to get mixed with the underground water. Therefore, there is a greater deal to protect our mother nature from the jaws of these deadly parasites To sum up, smoking overall has constantly proved to be dangerous for both mankind and nature and it would be in the favour of humans to keep it away from densely populated areas and allow a private consumption only.
In the present era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has become a trend,
especially
amongst the younger generation. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the smoker,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those around him
as well
.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
speculate that this should
be banned
in public places and I completely support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on both humans and nature.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is much more harmful to the passive smokers than the person himself. When an individual lights up a cigarette in a populated place, he emits second-hand
Possible spelling mistake. 'vapours' is British English.
vapours
which are then inhaled by the population around. These inhaled fumes have adverse effects on the respiratory system of women and children. According to scientific studies, passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
puts a person at twenty percent more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
Furthermore
, cigarettes
also
contain nicotine, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cancer causing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
leads to severe health issues
as well
, such as heart attacks and asthma.
Thus
, it would be humane to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this malpractice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
everyone enjoy a healthy life.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
also
aggravates the pollution which is one of the major issues
being faced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
globally. The emitted gases are an addition to the exhausts from vehicles and factories which
further
cause significant damage to the environment by depleting the ozone layer which is responsible for protecting us from the sun’s harmful UV rays.
Moreover
, the leftover buds pollute soil and water as they release harmful chemicals upon coming in contact with soil, which then seep down to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mixed with the underground water.
Therefore
, there is a greater deal to protect our mother nature from the jaws of these deadly parasites

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
overall
has
constantly
proved to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for both mankind and nature and it would be in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of humans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it away from
densely
populated areas and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a private consumption
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay “Should smoking in public places be banned”? Give your views. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
309 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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