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As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 6
In the age of industrialization, making the greatest possible profit is supposed to be the main purpose of any business. While this may be true to some extent, I believe the responsibilities of businesses should include making money and making contributions to the community. This can help not only the businesses grow, but also the whole country to develop. It goes without saying that earning profits is the ultimate aim of every company. The first reason to be mentioned is businesses pay taxes for the government. With that money, the government can build infrastructures such as hospitals, schools, and parks to take care of citizen’s mental and physical wellbeing, which can increase the standard of living of a certain country. Moreover, alongside the development of businesses, more jobs are created. A profitable company will consider expanding their business by building up other branches or investing overseas. The necessity for larger numbers of employees is prominent, which can solve the unemployment problem. On the other hand, social responsibilities should also be seen as a long run strategy of businesses. Firstly, businesses cannot earn profits without consideration about the impacts of their operations on the people and the natural surroundings. Companies have responsibilities to protect mother nature who provides them with various materials as well as the users who consume almost all of their products. Strengthening the mutual beliefs is a wise strategy. In addition, big successful corporations can contribute to the quality of life of the society through charity and financial scholarships. This is an investment for the future of those companies. For example, Unilever often organizes contests with a big award to support promising young generations. By doing so, it gains a lot of attention from the society, especially the unveiled talented actors who can become their efficient employees one day. In conclusion, the development of industry nowadays gives businesses various opportunities to earn high profit. These businesses, however, need to take these advantages not only to bolster the operations but also to improve the quality of life of the community.
In the age of industrialization, making the greatest possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
is supposed
to be the main purpose of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. While this may be true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I believe the responsibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should include making money and making contributions to the community. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
grow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the whole country to develop.

It goes without saying that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
is the ultimate aim of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The
first
reason to
be mentioned
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
pay taxes for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. With that money, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can build infrastructures such as hospitals, schools, and parks to take care of citizen’s mental and physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
, which can increase the standard of living of a certain country.
Moreover
, alongside the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, more jobs
are created
. A profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will consider expanding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
by building up other branches or investing overseas. The necessity for larger numbers of employees is prominent, which can solve the unemployment problem.

On the other hand
, social responsibilities should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a long run strategy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
cannot earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
without consideration about the impacts of their operations on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the natural surroundings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
have responsibilities to protect mother nature who provides them with various materials
as well
as the users who consume almost all of their products. Strengthening the mutual beliefs is a wise strategy.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
successful corporations can contribute to the quality of life of the society through charity and financial scholarships. This is an investment for the future of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For example
, Unilever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
organizes contests with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
award to support promising young generations. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it gains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention from the society,
especially
the unveiled talented actors who can become their efficient employees one day.

In conclusion
, the development of industry nowadays gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
various opportunities to earn high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
however
, need to take these advantages not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to bolster the operations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life of the community.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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