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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why this is happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this issue? v.7

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why this is happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this issue? v. 7
Crimes have become a burning issue in recent years due to the availability of dangerous materials. However, many criminals commit more crimes after serving jail time. This essay will discuss why this is happening and put forward some solutions to this issue. To begin with, one of the main problems of people committing illegal activities after serving jail time is due to the lack of job opportunities. This is because, whenever a person applies for a vocation, the first and foremost procedure is to check the background of an individual whether he/she has a criminal history. If there is any history, they reject the application as this may bring the negative name for the company they want to work for. In addition to that, the lack of rehabilitation is also one of the factors contributing to this serious issue. Even though they are provided with all the facilities in the prison, the lack of learning skills converting them again to do activities that are against law. What is needed to combat these problems is a definite action. In order to alleviate these kind of problems, governments have to provide work opportunities to offenders who spent time in prison. For example, if a person committed a serious crime but he has acquired skills after first punishment, the government has to recruit this kind of individuals and support them financially. Furthermore, implementing stringent rules can avoid these kinds of problems as this brings a sense of fear to them. To conclude, providing jobs and implementing statutory laws are effective in dealing with this problem. If governments implement these, the crime rate would soon drop.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
have become a burning issue in recent years due to the availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
materials.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminals commit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after serving jail time. This essay will discuss why this is happening and put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
committing illegal activities after serving jail time is due to the lack of job opportunities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, whenever a person applies for a vocation, the
first
and foremost procedure is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the background of an individual whether he/she has a criminal history. If there is any history, they reject the application as this may bring the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
name for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
they want to work for.
In addition
to that, the lack of rehabilitation is
also
one of the factors contributing to this serious issue.
Even though
they
are provided
with all the facilities in the prison, the lack of learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
converting them again to do activities that are against law.

What
is needed
to combat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
action. In order to alleviate
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide work opportunities to offenders who spent time in prison.
For example
, if a person committed a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he has acquired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
after
first
punishment, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
recruit this kind of individuals and support them
financially
.
Furthermore
, implementing stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can avoid these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as this brings a sense of fear to them.

To conclude
, providing jobs and implementing statutory laws are effective in dealing with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
implement these, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
drop.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why this is happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this issue? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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