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As we are facing many problems which affect the whole planet good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

As we are facing many problems which affect the whole planet good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before v. 1
Generally, people read newspapers to find out about world current affairs and they read magazines to be entertained. Therefore, one would expect to find articles that feature the private lives of famous people in magazines rather than newspapers. However, nowadays, more and more newspapers include stories like these which are neither informative nor useful. In my opinion, this type of gossip about people's private lives should not be in the newspapers for several reasons. Firstly, for example, the fact that Princess Diana is going out with a sportsman is not important news. Secondly, if newspapers want to publish articles about famous people they should focus on their public events and achievements. In other words, if there is an article about Princess Diana it should be about her works of charity, which will increase public awareness of important problems. In addition, journalists should make sure that they write about the facts only, not rumours. One should be able to rely on newspapers for the actual truth. Magazines, on the other hand, focus on social news. But I feel it is more acceptable for them to contain some features about famous personalities. In addition to being popular reading, these stories often benefit the stars by giving free publicity to them, thereby helping their careers. However, I also believe that magazine stories should not mention things that are too embarrassing or untrue, just to attract people to buy the magazine. Sensational stories, such as these, cause great unhappiness for the people concerned. In conclusion, I think newspapers should concentrate on real news, but magazines can feature some articles on people's private lives.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
to find out about world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
affairs and
they read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
to
be entertained
.
Therefore
, one would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
that feature the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
.
However
, nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
like these which are neither informative nor useful.

In my opinion, this type of gossip about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
should not be in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
for several reasons.
Firstly
,
for example
, the fact that Princess Diana is going out with a sportsman is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
news.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
want to publish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they should focus on their public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and achievements.
In other words
, if there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
about Princess Diana it should be about her works of charity, which will increase public awareness of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problems.
In addition
, journalists should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they write about the facts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, not
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumours
. One should be able to rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
for the actual truth.

Magazines,
on the other hand
, focus on social news.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I feel it is more acceptable for them to contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
features about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities.
In addition
to being popular reading, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
benefit the stars by giving free publicity to them, thereby helping their careers.
However
, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
should not mention things that are too embarrassing or untrue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
. Sensational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
, such as these, cause great unhappiness for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concerned.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
should concentrate on real news,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
can feature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As we are facing many problems which affect the whole planet good relationships between different countries are becoming more important than ever before v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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