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The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with the sentence? v.6

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 6
There has been an ongoing debate regarding the ministry's contribution to the entertainment sector like arts, music, and theatre. Few believe that this money should be spent on civil services only. If asked, I partly agree with this statement. I believe that both these fields are of equal importance and budgeting should be done accordingly. In this essay, I will provide reasons to prove my inclination with befitting examples in the following. Paragraphs. On the one hand, I believe that financing the higher authority's money in public service is crucial for any nation. Public services like education, healthcare, military services, electricity, and much more are basic needs and a primitive right of the countryman. Venturing the government's money into these services is necessary to upsurge the lifestyle of people. For example, according to a survey conducted by the magazine ’The Hindu’, Narendra Modi- The PM of India, has upgraded by up to 45% of common man's life by providing enough financial support to public services. Thus budgeting into this sector is critical for any country to grow. On the other hand, In my perspective, the entertainment field such as art, music & theatre holds an inevitable part of people’s life. Therefore I opine that this sector also should be funded appropriately. According to me, this division not only provides relaxation to the public's mind and soul but also improves the economy & employment rates of the country. As well as it reflects the culture of the nation. For instance, Michael Jackson, a worldwide famous musician & dancer, helped to improve his nation's economy by up to 25% by doing concerts abroad. Hence, investing the government's wealth in this sector is as important as budgeting into public services. In conclusion, I strongly opine that, Though the center should invest money into public services For a better lifestyle of people, I believe an area of entertainment is also imperative as it provides recreational activities and employment so, it must be subsidized by the ministry.
There has been an ongoing debate regarding the ministry's contribution to the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
like arts, music, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
on civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. If asked, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that both these fields are of equal importance and budgeting should
be done
accordingly
. In this essay, I will provide reasons to prove my inclination with befitting examples in the following. Paragraphs.

On the one hand, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that financing the higher authority's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is crucial for any nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like education, healthcare, military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, electricity, and much more are basic needs and a primitive right of the countryman. Venturing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is necessary to upsurge the lifestyle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, according to a survey conducted by the magazine ’The Hindu’, Narendra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Modi
- The PM of India, has upgraded by up to 45% of common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's life by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Thus
budgeting into this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is critical for any country to grow.

On the other hand
, In my perspective, the entertainment field such as art, music &
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
holds an inevitable part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I opine that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
also
should
be funded
appropriately
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, this division not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides relaxation to the public's mind and soul
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the economy & employment rates of the country.
As well
as it reflects the culture of the nation.
For instance
, Michael Jackson, a worldwide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
musician & dancer,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his nation's economy by up to 25% by doing concerts abroad.
Hence
, investing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's wealth in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as budgeting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
opine that, Though the center should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
For a better lifestyle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
an area of entertainment is
also
imperative as it provides recreational activities and employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be subsidized
by the ministry.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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