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As major cities in the world are growing today, so do their problems. What are problems for young people who are living in the cities as the result of continued growth? How problems might be solved? v.1

As major cities in the world are growing today, so do their problems. What are problems for young people who are living in the cities as the result of continued growth? How problems might be solved? v. 1
Many big cities around the globe has been economically significant developing. However, this development also brings several detrimental impact on junior citizens and some solutions should be taken to address those problems. Many surveys have shown downsides of young people developments caused by growing cities. First off, major municipals have a tendency to remove public spaces such as parks and squares to make place for skyscraper office buildings due to the economic growing demands. Therefore, offspring do not have public areas for outdoor activities. They cannot socialize and play outdoor games in public zones which might lead to isolation by interacting with peers via technological gadgets. Secondly, pollution is increased as the high as the city developments. Polluted air from factories and vehicles exhaust emissions and polluted noise from traffic congestion would bring health related diseases such as insomnia, disruptive sleep and concentration. This definitely negatively affect children development, especially at their early stage because offspring do not have sufficient sleep and lack focus on studying. Nevertheless, these problems mentioned above are solvable. Local government should encourage big businesses and companies to relocate from cities to rural areas. Hence, the volume of traffic jams and air pollution would be decreased in cities. Furthermore, public places and residential areas with outdoor spaces should be constructed accordingly to offer safe zones to make way for children entertainment zones. Thus, the balance between living areas with sufficient conditions for the growth of children and working areas would be a sustainable economic and young people development. In conclusion, problems brought by cities developments to the youth can be solved in several ways.
Many
big
cities
around the globe has been
economically
significant developing.
However
, this
development
also
brings several detrimental impact on junior citizens and
some
solutions should
be taken
to address those problems.

Many
surveys have shown downsides of young
people
developments
caused by growing
cities
.
First
off, major municipals have a tendency to remove
public
spaces such as parks and squares to
make
place for skyscraper office buildings due to the economic growing demands.
Therefore
, offspring do not have
public
areas
for outdoor activities. They cannot socialize and play outdoor games in
public
zones which might lead to isolation by interacting with peers via technological gadgets.
Secondly
, pollution
is increased
as the high as the city
developments
. Polluted air from factories and vehicles exhaust emissions and polluted noise from traffic congestion would bring health related diseases such as insomnia, disruptive sleep and concentration. This definitely
negatively
affect children
development
,
especially
at their early stage
because
offspring do not have sufficient sleep and lack focus on studying.

Nevertheless
, these problems mentioned above are solvable. Local
government
should encourage
big
businesses and
companies
to relocate from
cities
to rural
areas
.
Hence
, the volume of traffic jams and air pollution would
be decreased
in
cities
.
Furthermore
,
public
places and residential
areas
with outdoor spaces should
be constructed
accordingly
to offer safe zones to
make
way for children entertainment zones.
Thus
, the balance between living
areas
with sufficient conditions for the growth of children and working
areas
would be a sustainable economic and young
people
development.

In conclusion
, problems brought by
cities
developments
to the youth can
be solved
in several ways.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay As major cities in the world are growing today, so do their problems. What are problems for young people who are living in the cities as the result of continued growth? How problems might be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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