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Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. v. 4
Some believe that artists require creative freedom to express themselves, while others think that it might have a detrimental effect on society. This essay will argue that despite that artists have the ability to influence many individuals negatively, the benefit of being able to raise social awareness through their work of art far outweighs any negative drawback. Artists act as role models for many people, and a lot of them have the power to influence young adults negatively. Musicians and film makers glorify the use of alcohol and smoking by promoting it in their music and films. Consequently, a lot of young adults who look up to these artists, follow them and get hooked onto these bad habits. For example, according to the survey conducted by the American Music Association, 30% of musical rappers promote the use of alcohol and drugs in their lyrics, and they amount for the highest fan base in the world. However, there are many other artists who influence positively with their work, and people have the option to follow artists who inspire them positively. Granting creative freedom to artists allows them to raise awareness on social causes through their art. By infusing topics such as poverty, social caste systems and inequality, in their work, artists can spread awareness about their negative effects on the society. For example, Danny Boyle, director of the film “Slumdog millionaire”, won many accolades for accurately depicting the poor conditions of the slums in Mumbai. Eventually, the issue was raised by the central government and special funds were reserved for this section of the society. This shows that artists can have a positive impact on society as well. In conclusion, the social contributions to society by artists outweighs the supposed negative impact that they might have on the general public.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
require creative freedom to express themselves, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it might have a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This essay will argue that despite that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have the ability to influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
negatively
, the benefit of being able to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
awareness through their work of art far outweighs any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
drawback.

Artists act as role models for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them have the power to influence young adults
negatively
. Musicians and film makers glorify the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alcohol and smoking by promoting it in their music and films.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young adults who look up to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, follow them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hooked onto these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
For example
, according to the survey conducted by the American Music Association, 30% of musical rappers promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alcohol and drugs in their lyrics, and they amount for the highest fan base in the world.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who influence
positively
with their work, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the option to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
who inspire them
positively
.

Granting creative freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to raise awareness on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
causes through their art. By infusing topics such as poverty,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
caste systems and inequality, in their work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can spread awareness about their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, Danny Boyle, director of the film “Slumdog millionaire”, won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accolades for
accurately
depicting the poor conditions of the slums in Mumbai.
Eventually
, the issue
was raised
by the central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and special funds
were reserved
for this section of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contributions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
outweighs the supposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact that they might have on the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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