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Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects? v.10

Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects? v. 10
There is no doubt that educational curriculums can play a pivotal role in children's development. However, the question: what is the best subjects which should be taught to students? Is considered one of the most controversial issues today. Although I think that it is crucial for young generations to be taught art, I do believe that students should study other subjects. On one hand, the enthusiasts of educating art might argue that it can develop children's innovation. This is because such a subject would allow pupils to discover their skills. For example, teaching art in Egyptian schools is obligatory. As a consequence, Egypt now has many artists in different fields. In contrast, If students do not study art, there will be fewer artists in society. On the other hand, I would think that scientific subjects might be relatively more important. The reason for this is that not only it can broaden the students' horizon about current technologies, but it also instills scientific skills in the students. For instance, this is can be seen by the growing number of young scientists in Japan, which provide the students with all needed scientific tools. Conversely, if governments did not teach such scientific subjects, countries would remain among developing countries. In conclusion, despite the fact that there are many benefits of studying art, such as expanding young's imagination, it is my firm belief that it is very vital for students to be taught both art and other subjects, such as history and computer science.
There is no doubt that educational curriculums can play a pivotal role in children's development.
However
, the question: what is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
?
Is considered
one of the most controversial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is crucial for young generations to
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should study other subjects.

On one hand, the enthusiasts of educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
might argue that it can develop children's innovation. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
pupils to discover their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in Egyptian schools is obligatory. As a consequence, Egypt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields.
In contrast
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, there will be fewer artists in society.

On the other hand
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
might be
relatively
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
The reason for this is
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it can broaden the students' horizon about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technologies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
instills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
, this is can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the growing number of young scientists in Japan, which provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with all needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
tools.
Conversely
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
did not teach such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, countries would remain among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, such as expanding young's imagination, it is my firm belief that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
be taught
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as history and computer science.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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