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art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. however, there days fewer and fewer people appreciate art turn their focus to science, technology and business. why do you think that is? what could be done to encourage more people to take internet in the arts? v.9

art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. however, there days fewer and fewer people appreciate art turn their focus to science, technology and business. why do you think that is? what could be done to encourage more people to take internet in the arts? v. 9
The role of art in all existing cultures around the world is undeniable. Nevertheless, now days few people cherish art and pay more attention to science, technology and business. It seems that financial issue is one of the reasons to ignore art by most of the people. These days due to develop of technology, life go on rapidly and people should adapt themselves to this pace. Making money to cope with the cost of living is, inevitably, art cannot make money as well as other subjects, that is why more and more people prefer to focus on more important subjects such as technology science and business to earn more money and get up to speed with life. It seems that art could not be as a career and most of the artists are not able to support themselves because they earn less money. For instance, one research has shown that 90 percent of artists have a second job except artistic occupation, because they cannot tackle with their financial problems. Art, as a considerable part of every culture, is significant to notice. Government has an important role in this area, encouragement programs such as funding for protecting artists, or some schedules such as exempting artists from tax would be useful. Artists should be assured by government about their income. Allocating enough salaries and governmental grants for helping art would be beneficial to keep artists motivated. By supporting artists, art would remain alive and in addition culture will be protected. In conclusion art, as an important part of all cultures, should be protected. Due to less income in artistic fields, people are not keen on art they prefer to get involved in things to make more money. government would be cope with this issue by some planes such as funding for artists
The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in all existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
around the world is undeniable.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
days few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cherish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and pay more attention to science, technology and business. It seems that financial issue is one of the reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
by most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

These days due to develop of technology, life go on
rapidly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adapt themselves to this pace. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to cope with the cost of living is,
inevitably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as other subjects,
that is
why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to focus on more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects such as technology science and business to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up to speed with life. It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
could not be as a career and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are not able to support themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they earn less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, one research has shown that 90 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have a second job except artistic occupation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot tackle with their financial problems.

Art, as a considerable part of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, is significant to notice.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this area, encouragement programs such as funding for protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schedules such as exempting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
from tax would be useful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
should
be assured
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
about their income. Allocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salaries and governmental grants for helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would be beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
motivated. By supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would remain alive and
in addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will
be protected
.

In conclusion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, should
be protected
. Due to less income in artistic fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not keen on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
government
would be
Consider using a past participle here: "coped".
cope
with this issue by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
such as funding for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
artists
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. however, there days fewer and fewer people appreciate art turn their focus to science, technology and business. why do you think that is? what could be done to encourage more people to take internet in the arts? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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