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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in arts? v.7

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in arts? v. 7
People in today’s world are showing greater enthusiasm in the development of science, technology advance and business, rather than art. This essay will discuss the underlying reason of this trend and the way to engage more people in art. The public tend to devote more time and energy in studying and working in the science and business fields as they are becoming more practical and materialistic nowadays. In this information era, there are more job opportunities that are related to technology or business in the market, such as programmers, certified public accountants, and electronic engineers. These positions are usually well-paid so that people who work in these areas can make their ends meet and have savings to make vacations and buy luxury goods. That’s why the masses are so passionate about receiving an education in an engineer or business school and get relevant qualifications, and searching for relevant job vacancies. In contrast, it is quite challenging for an artist to be recognized by the majority of people and get a higher salary and enjoy a good life. Because of that, people are willing to fulfil their needs of science, technology and business instead of art. Therefore, art started to lose its value and people won't appreciate as much as before. In my opinion, the government can take measures to attract people’s attention in art. Some art related organizations and businesses, such as art galleries and crafts workshops, are on the verge of bankruptcy because they lack the financial and policy support from the government. More funding can be allocated to subsidize the local art industry, especially small art businesses and the talented artists, or the tax rate may be lowered for startups. In this way, they are able to run the business with a lower cost and generate more revenue, thus they may hire more artists to work for them or possibly raise their employees’ salary. Once people get their Material needs, they will start to take more attention in art.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world are showing greater enthusiasm in the development of science, technology advance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. This essay will discuss the underlying reason of this trend and the way to engage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in art.

The public tend to devote more time and energy in studying and working in the science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
fields as they are becoming more practical and materialistic nowadays. In this information era, there are more job opportunities that
are related
to technology or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in the market, such as programmers, certified public accountants, and electronic engineers. These positions are
usually
well-paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in these areas can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and have savings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vacations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. That’s why the masses are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
passionate about receiving an education in an engineer or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relevant qualifications, and searching for relevant job vacancies.
In contrast
, it is quite challenging for an artist to
be recognized
by the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher salary and enjoy a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to fulfil their needs of science, technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to lose its value and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won't appreciate as much as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can take measures to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
related organizations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries and crafts workshops, are on the verge of bankruptcy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack the financial and policy support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. More funding can
be allocated
to subsidize the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
industry,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and the talented artists, or the tax rate may
be lowered
for startups. In this way, they are able to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with a lower cost and generate more revenue,
thus
they may hire more artists to work for them or
possibly
raise their employees’ salary. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their Material needs, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to take more attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in arts? v. 7

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
331 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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