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Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems? v.1

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems? v. 1
It is thought by some people that there is an increasing depletion of fresh water across countries, and that it can raise many adversities. In my opinion, the health sector is particularly affected. To solve this issue, government and citizens must acknowledge this problem and its root cause, and act according to their responsibilities. Firstly, the major area that is affected by this loss is the health of the communities. This is due to the fact that water is an essential need of all human beings, it is used for drinking to sustain bodily functions, and to take a bath or wash hands to clean us from microorganisms. If clean water is decreasing, basic functions like those are disturbed, and a reduction of sanitation and hygiene level happened. We know that those can lead to diseases, namely infectious diseases. For example, clean uncontaminated water is necessary for making formula milk for babies, without it, babies are prone to contracting ailments such as diarrhea and malnutrition. The solution for this is to create a collective effort between the government and the people. The government must create a task force consisting members of different backgrounds to create a solution that will tackle the root of the lack of the water. The main root, I believe, is the pollution of the sources of rivers and seas by industrial corporations. An example of solving this is the strict laws created by many nations to prevent spilling industrial wastes to open water. On the other hand, the individuals of the country must be aware that some of their actions, such as throwing trash in the body of waters, are also part of the problem. The example of this can be found in teaching children to put trash in trash cans in school. In conclusion, the decrease of fresh water in all countries globally can cause an increase of infectious diseases. The measure to be taken is by making sure every parts of each countries aware of the problem and prevent further contamination of the scarce resource.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that there is an increasing depletion of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and that it can raise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adversities. In my opinion, the health sector is
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. To solve this issue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acknowledge this problem and its root cause, and act according to their responsibilities.

Firstly
, the major area
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this loss is the health of the communities.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is an essential need of all human beings, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for drinking to sustain
bodily
functions, and to take a bath or wash hands to clean us from microorganisms. If clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is decreasing, basic functions like those
are disturbed
, and a reduction of sanitation and hygiene level happened. We know that
Did you mean "this can" or "those cans"?
those can
lead to diseases,
namely
infectious diseases.
For example
, clean uncontaminated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is necessary for making formula milk for babies, without it, babies are prone to contracting ailments such as diarrhea and malnutrition.

The solution for this is to create a collective effort between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create a task force consisting members of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds to create a solution that will tackle the root of the lack of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
main root, I believe, is the pollution of the sources of rivers and seas by industrial corporations. An example of solving this is the strict laws created by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
spilling industrial wastes to open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
On the other hand
, the individuals of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their actions, such as throwing trash in the body of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waters
, are
also
part of the problem. The example of this can
be found
in teaching children to put trash in trash cans in school.

In conclusion
, the decrease of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
globally can cause an increase of infectious diseases. The measure to
be taken
is by making sure every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "part"?
parts
of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "country"?
countries
aware of the problem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
contamination of the scarce resource.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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