Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Art classes, like painting and drawing, are not as important as other subjects, so some people think that it should not be a compulsory subject at highschool. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Art classes, like painting and drawing, are not as important as other subjects, so some people think that it should not be a compulsory subject at highschool. v. 1
Nowadays, leaders from many countries put their attention on the economic growth and seem to ignore other factors such as education, science-technology, or health system. In contrast, other governments have a different vision that they should focus on every kind of progress instead of concentrating on the economic progress. In my opinion, I am convinced with the thought of equal development. To start with the side which only pay attention to business and finance. Firstly, I may agree that money is the first condition for everyone, every country to be wealthy because if we have enough strength of economy, we can do or buy anything such as food, houses, clothes and so on. The UAE, for example, is well-known as the wealthiest one because they have a plenty of sources of fossil fuel, which can be traded with a lot of money. In addition, president of the US, Donald Trump, had been a rich person before he was elected to be a nation's leader. Thus, it is necessary for countries to pay attention to the economic progress. On the other hand, some governments consider they have to take care equally both sides of their country's progress because these are all important. To illustrate, science and technology growth also encourage the economic situation due to the demands of high-tech inventions nowadays. Furthermore, the education has a vital role in the development a nation as well, for example, modern countries such as Japan, Canada or Australia all have a quite great education system. All in all, I bet that countries could be stronger and modern if they put the focus on all essential aspects fairly. To summarize, doing business and making money are necessary because these can bring a country to be richer. Moreover, we should also think about developing other important aspects which are education, technology in order to reduce risks from being old-fashioned. In my view, if countries can take the second statement of equal development, these would become the great nations.
Nowadays, leaders from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
put their attention on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth and seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, science-technology, or health system.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vision that they should focus on every kind of progress
instead
of concentrating on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress. In my opinion, I
am convinced
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of equal development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the side which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay attention to business and finance.
Firstly
, I may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that money is the
first
condition for everyone, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be wealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
strength of economy, we can do or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything such as food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, clothes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. The UAE,
for example
, is well-known as the wealthiest one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of sources of fossil fuel, which can
be traded
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
In addition
, president of the US, Donald Trump, had been a rich person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he
was elected
to be a nation's leader.
Thus
, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
consider they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care
equally
both sides of their country's progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. To illustrate, science and technology growth
also
encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
situation due to the demands of high-tech inventions nowadays.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a vital role in the development a nation
as well
,
for example
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Japan, Canada or Australia all have a quite great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system. All in all, I bet that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could be stronger and modern if they put the focus on all essential aspects
fairly
.

To summarize
, doing business and making money are necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these can bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be richer.
Moreover
, we should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, technology in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
from being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. In my view, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can take the second statement of equal development, these would become the great nations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Art classes, like painting and drawing, are not as important as other subjects, so some people think that it should not be a compulsory subject at highschool. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts