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Are Inventors more important than doctors? Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The pie chart illustrates how the buyers spent money on at-home food in America in 2002. It is obvious that almost one-quarter of the American food budget was to pay for meats, poultry, fish, and eggs. While the expenditure on meats, poultry, fish, and eggs ranked first place of all categories, the second largest group was cereal and bakery, accounting for 16% of the total. Dairy products comprised just over one-tenth of the entire spending. In addition, fruits, beverages, and vegetables closely followed after, trailing only by one percent change from each other. On the other hand, sugars and sweets make up merely 4% of the at-home food budget, and for fats and oils, only 3%. To sum up, meats, poultry, fish, eggs, cereals, and dairy products constitute more than half of the total expenditure in America, while the smallest proportion of spending goes to fats and oils.
The pie chart illustrates how the buyers spent money on at-home food in America in 2002. It is obvious that almost one-quarter of the American food budget was to pay for meats, poultry, fish, and eggs.

While the expenditure on meats, poultry, fish, and eggs ranked
first
place of all categories, the second largest group was cereal and bakery, accounting for 16% of the total. Dairy products comprised
just
over one-tenth of the entire spending.
In addition
, fruits, beverages, and vegetables
closely
followed after, trailing
only
by one percent
change
from each other.
On the other hand
, sugars and sweets
make
up
merely
4% of the at-home food budget, and for fats and oils,
only
3%.

To sum up, meats, poultry, fish, eggs, cereals, and dairy products constitute more than half of the total expenditure in America, while the smallest proportion of spending goes to fats and oils.
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IELTS academic The pie chart illustrates how the buyers spent money on at-home food in America in 2002 such as on meating, fowl, fishing, and ovum.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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