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Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.26

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 26
According to some people, social interaction among the people is increased because of the scientific advancements, while others differ with it. In my opinion, electronic devices facilitate the process of socialization; however, this essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, electronic gadgets allow people to stay connected together. Undoubtedly, communicating with each other is much easier than ever before. This is because, through various inventions, it is possible to make contacts regardless of geographical location. Moreover, everyone can express emotions, discuss views, share pictures and documents comfortably, which were quite hard in past days. Thus, modern machinery makes the way of networking convenient, which resulted in forming strong social relation. For instance, a recent survey conducted by Wikipedia revealed that had a mobile phone not been invented, the process of communication would have been 50% lower. On the other hand, using technology in some cases curbs the actual interaction of the relationship. The reason behind that is, many people get addicted with these items and spend vast amount of time in front of the screen instead of passing quality time with family. Consequently, too much attachment with the virtual world unintentionally lets these people to less sensitive to others. As a result, this trend not only curbs the face to face communication, but also real intimacy of the relationship. Despite this, individuals can access anyone if they wish by using technology and that might strengthen the bonding. For example, it is often seen that many tour plans with the friends are taken while chatting over social networking sites. In conclusion, although the scientific breakthrough has a positive influence on the social connection, some people think it reduces the interest in relation. Nevertheless, as long as technology is employed carefully, its effects will be beneficial for socializing.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the scientific advancements, while others differ with it. In my opinion, electronic devices facilitate the process of socialization;
however
, this essay will discuss both views.

On the one hand, electronic gadgets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay connected together.
Undoubtedly
, communicating with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is much easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, through various inventions, it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contacts regardless of geographical location.
Moreover
, everyone can express emotions, discuss views, share pictures and documents
comfortably
, which were quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in past days.
Thus
, modern machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the way of networking convenient, which resulted in forming strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relation.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by Wikipedia revealed that had a mobile phone not
been invented
, the process of communication would have been 50% lower.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, using technology in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases curbs the actual interaction of the relationship. The reason behind
that is
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted with these items and spend vast amount of time in front of the screen
instead
of passing quality time with family.
Consequently
, too much attachment with the virtual world
unintentionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to less sensitive to others.
As a result
, this trend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
curbs the face to face communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
real intimacy of the relationship. Despite this, individuals can access anyone if they wish by using technology and that might strengthen the bonding.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tour plans with the friends
are taken
while chatting over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites.

In conclusion
, although the scientific breakthrough has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
connection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the interest in relation.
Nevertheless
, as long as technology
is employed
carefully
, its effects will be beneficial for socializing.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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