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Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? v.8

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? v. 8
As a positive outcome of the Globalization, several countries have opened their borders to other countries’ citizens to come and do a job. This is helping the people around the world to travel along with their family, to the new destinations for their job purposes. On a whole, it has several advantages compared to the negative effects. The foremost benefit to any individual who travel with their family abroad is the emotional support from their close family joining along. Moreover, travelling to an unknown place can commonly trigger a sense of phobia in the human minds. Therefore, by having the loved ones on their side, it will definitely help them to focus on their field of work. For example, as per the recent traveller statistics report published by “Aviation News” magazine, about 70% of the primary ticket holders had flown together with their families to different destinations across the world. In addition, there is another major advantage of having the family during the home-away deputations, is the opportunity to plan some holidays abroad. The reason behind this is, it will be an expensive affair if they plan a separate vacation to these foreign destinations on their own money. To exemplify this, a research study by The Ohio University Social Sciences Department, published that around two-thirds of the tourists, visiting the famous tourist spots around Cincinnati city, are the non-immigrant working class visa holders, who came to The United States for a temporary stay. On the other hand, there are few disadvantages for this idea of tagging the family along during abroad trips, such as the monetary loss and disruption of the family stability. Firstly, the primary earner may need to spend more on the travel preparations, accommodations and settlement costs. This will eventually bring a financial burden on the family’s budget. For instance, the person travelling alone need not spend money on major home appliances or rental homes in the new place, compared to the one with family. Additionally, if the partner is a working professional, sometimes they may need to quit their job in their home country. In conclusion, although there are some disadvantages in the form of spending extra money, and disturbing their family stability, I would like to point out that, there are clear advantages for the individual as well as for the family if they travel together abroad such as, gaining emotional support from each other, and experiencing vacations together.
As a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome of the Globalization, several countries have opened their borders to other countries’ citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and do a job. This is helping the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, to the new destinations for their job purposes. On a whole, it has several advantages compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

The foremost benefit to any individual who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is the emotional support from their close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
joining along.
Moreover
, travelling to an unknown place can
commonly
trigger a sense of phobia in the human minds.
Therefore
, by having the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones on their side, it will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to focus on their field of work.
For example
, as per the recent
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
statistics report published by “Aviation News” magazine, about 70% of the primary ticket holders had flown together with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
destinations across the world.

In addition
, there is another major advantage of having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
during the home-away deputations, is the opportunity to plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
holidays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. The reason behind this is, it will be an expensive affair if they plan a separate vacation to these foreign destinations on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money. To exemplify this, a research study by The Ohio University Social Sciences Department, published that around two-thirds of the tourists, visiting the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tourist spots around Cincinnati city, are the non-immigrant working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
visa holders, who came to The United States for a temporary stay.

On the other hand
, there are few disadvantages for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of tagging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
along during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
trips, such as the monetary loss and disruption of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
stability.
Firstly
, the primary earner may need to spend more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
preparations, accommodations and settlement costs. This will
eventually
bring a financial burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
budget.
For instance
, the person travelling alone need not spend money on major home appliances or rental homes in the new place, compared to the one with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Additionally
, if the partner is a working professional,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they may need to quit their job in their home country.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages in the form of spending extra money, and disturbing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
stability, I would like to point out that, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages for the individual
as well
as for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
such as, gaining emotional support from each other, and experiencing vacations together.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
404 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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