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The professor discussed the characteristics of two kinds of birds of prey. On the basis of these characteristics, explain whether either bird would be categorized as raptor. v.1

The professor discussed the characteristics of two kinds of birds of prey. On the basis of these characteristics, explain whether either bird would be categorized as raptor. v. 1
There has always been a long-running debate over whether children should enrol in school as young as possible or whether they should spend their time at home and enjoy their freedom until they are a little older. My view is that children should not begin formal learning at school until they are at least seven years old. There are some notable benefits of getting formal education earlier in life. For example, kids can adopt the concepts of “sharing is caring” and how to follow instructions in a classroom environment earlier than those who stay at home until much later. Additionally, parents these days are more concerned about the future of their children when facing the world at large. Parents tend to believe that enrolling their kids early in school will give their children a head start at absorbing knowledge. However, allowing children to stay at home and do anything freely without being forced to get up super early in the morning has more advantages. First of all, children get to spend more time with their parents, which allows them to build a stronger bond with each other and improve their family relationships. Secondly, recent research in the UK shows that starting school later is better for children’s brains and personal development. In countries such as Sweden and Finland, kids have better academic achievement and child well-being, despite children not starting school until seven. In conclusion, although enrolling children who are under the age of seven in school has some benefits, I believe that freedom should be given to young children to spend more time with their parents and ensure a better future.
There has always been a long-running debate over whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should enrol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as young as possible or whether they should spend their time at home and enjoy their freedom until they are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
older. My view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
formal learning at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until they are at least seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notable benefits of getting formal education earlier in life.
For example
, kids can adopt the concepts of “sharing is caring” and how to follow instructions in a classroom environment earlier than those who stay at home until much later.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
these days are more concerned about the future of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when facing the world at large.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
tend to believe that enrolling their kids early in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at absorbing knowledge.

However
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay at home and do anything
freely
without
being forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up super early in the morning has more advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to build a stronger bond with each other and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their family relationships.
Secondly
, recent research in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
later is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
brains and personal development. In countries such as Sweden and Finland, kids have better academic achievement and child well-being, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until seven.

In conclusion
, although enrolling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are under the age of seven in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, I believe that freedom should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and ensure a better future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The professor discussed the characteristics of two kinds of birds of prey. On the basis of these characteristics, explain whether either bird would be categorized as raptor. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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