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Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v.1

Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v. 1
Irrefutably, the problem with a growing population of overweight people is a cause of concern to the health care system. Some people believe the key solution to solve this problem is by including more exercise and sports activities in the school curriculum, while others do not think the same. However, I staunchly agree that the best way to tackle deteriorating people's health is in relation to the weight. Firstly, in order to control the issue of obesity, this can very much be solved by thinking through it for the long term and by involving additional sports and exercise in the schools. By this it will be ensured that the future generation is much healthier. A child today has sports activity in school once every week, which is not sufficient with the kind of lifestyle they are living. However, by including more sports and exercise in the schools and in their free time will ensure that the children are active and fitter. In addition, having more sports activities for children in school will probably result in having an interest the physical activities which in turn will filter to the other members of the family. By this, both the children and parents being involved, it will ensure that children grow up to incorporate sport into their daily lives. This is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing sports in schools is the easiest and most effective method to use.
Irrefutably
, the problem with a growing population of overweight
people
is a cause of concern to the health care system.
Some
people
believe the key solution to solve this problem is by including more exercise and
sports
activities
in the
school
curriculum, while others do not
think
the same.
However
, I
staunchly
agree
that the best way to tackle deteriorating
people
's health is in relation to the weight.

Firstly
, in order to control the issue of obesity, this can
very
much
be solved
by thinking through it for the long term and by involving additional
sports
and exercise in the
schools
. By this it will
be ensured
that the future generation is much healthier. A child
today
has
sports
activity
in
school
once every week, which is not sufficient with the kind of lifestyle they are living.
However
, by including more
sports
and exercise in the
schools
and in their free time will ensure that the
children
are active and fitter.

In addition
, having more
sports
activities
for
children
in
school
will
probably
result in having an interest the physical
activities
which in turn will filter to the other members of the family. By this, both the
children
and parents
being involved
, it will ensure that
children
grow up to incorporate
sport
into their daily
lives
. This is
certainly
a natural and lasting way to
improve
public health.

In conclusion
, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight
people
, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing
sports
in
schools
is the easiest and most effective method to
use
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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