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Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v.1

Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v. 1
Irrefutably, the problem with a growing population of overweight people is a cause of concern to the health care system. Some people believe the key solution to solve this problem is by including more exercise and sports activities in the school curriculum, while others do not think the same. However, I staunchly agree that the best way to tackle deteriorating people's health is in relation to the weight. Firstly, in order to control the issue of obesity, this can very much be solved by thinking through it for the long term and by involving additional sports and exercise in the schools. By this it will be ensured that the future generation is much healthier. A child today has sports activity in school once every week, which is not sufficient with the kind of lifestyle they are living. However, by including more sports and exercise in the schools and in their free time will ensure that the children are active and fitter. In addition, having more sports activities for children in school will probably result in having an interest the physical activities which in turn will filter to the other members of the family. By this, both the children and parents being involved, it will ensure that children grow up to incorporate sport into their daily lives. This is certainly a natural and lasting way to improve public health. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing sports in schools is the easiest and most effective method to use.
Irrefutably
, the problem with a growing population of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is a cause of concern to the health care system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe the key solution to solve this problem is by including more exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum, while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the same.
However
, I
staunchly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the best way to tackle deteriorating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health is in relation to the weight.

Firstly
, in order to control the issue of obesity, this can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
be solved
by thinking through it for the long term and by involving additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. By this it will
be ensured
that the future generation is much healthier. A child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
once every week, which is not sufficient with the kind of lifestyle they are living.
However
, by including more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and in their free time will ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are active and fitter.

In addition
, having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
probably
result in having an interest the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which in turn will filter to the other members of the family. By this, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents
being involved
, it will ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up to incorporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
into their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
certainly
a natural and lasting way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health.

In conclusion
, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is the easiest and most effective method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Anyone with phones can answer calls for both social and personal purposes at any time. More benefits or drawbacks do you think it will bring to both society and individuals? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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