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An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v.7

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 7
There is no doubt that shopping is an essential part of our life. However, although some people think that shopping online is beneficial, it can cause several negatives. On one hand, shopping online provides a number of advantages, one of which is that online stores often offer lower prices than offline ones. For example, a toy biulding machine is twenty percent cheaper on Amazon than at Walmart. Moreover, buying online can help you to stay healthy because it allows you not to leave home, minimizing your chance to get infected. This is especially valuable over the period of widespread pandemias, such as coronovirus. Alternatively, if you go to a mall, you can become ill, and in this case you will be isolated for 2 weeks. On the other hand, shopping online has negative consequencies; for example, it harms local economies because small stores which cannot compete with e-commerce services have to close. As a result, people lose their jobs, and the economy of a community suffers. In addition to that, people buying online often spend more time at home than those who should go outside to buy goods at offline stores, thus they less talk to others; as a result, they feel more stressed. Otherwise, if they bought products at local shops, they would support the local economy and would feel better. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account, we can argue that although shopping online can reduce the costs on buying products and lowers the chance to get infected by various viruses, it harms local economies and makes people feel more stressed.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is an essential part of our life.
However
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is beneficial, it can cause several negatives.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
provides a number of advantages, one of which is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
offer lower prices than offline ones.
For example
, a toy
Possible spelling mistake found.
biulding
machine is twenty percent cheaper on Amazon than at Walmart.
Moreover
, buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to stay healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home, minimizing your chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
infected. This is
especially
valuable over the period of widespread
Possible spelling mistake found.
pandemias
, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
coronovirus
.
Alternatively
, if you go to a mall, you can become ill, and
in this case
you will
be isolated
for 2 weeks.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequencies
;
for example
, it harms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stores which cannot compete with e-commerce services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their jobs, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of a community suffers.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend more time at home than those who should go outside to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at offline stores,
thus
they less talk to others;
as a result
, they feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
Otherwise
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
products at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops, they would support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and would feel better.

In conclusion
, taking everything mentioned into account, we can argue that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the costs on buying products and lowers the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
infected by various viruses, it harms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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