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Some people say that the current obsession with technology and the internet means that we are creating a generation of people that have poor social skills. Do you agree with this statement? v.1

Some people say that the current obsession with technology and the internet means that we are creating a generation of people that have poor social skills. v. 1
What distinguishes the 21st century is the introduction of the internet. Some people believe that the new generation lacks social skills because people are obsessed with new gadgets and the internet. I oppose this belief due to several reasons which will be discussed in the following. To begin with, the internet has actually made people more sociable with better social skills compared to what they used to be. What I mean is that the cornerstone of the society is talking, not being in the same place. Thus, nowadays, people socialize more than past owing to the spread of the internet and the fact that they can simply talk to anybody no matter where he lives thanks to the new technology. Research has shown that an individual in the 21st century gets to know five times more people compared to one in the 20th century. Moreover, the advancements in technology have helped half of the community to develop social skills. In the past, one was forced to meet others in person had he wanted to make new friends, which was a torment for introverted and shy characters. On the other hand, these days, one does not need to even leave his room for contacting people and becoming friends with others, making introverted people socially active. Granted what was said, it must be taken into account that social gatherings play an important role in the human’s lifestyle. It is observed that young people have trouble in these ceremonies and lack the skills needed for socializing in person inasmuch as they are used to chat behind the computer. To sum up, even though the generation raised cannot perform in parties and gatherings socially, the new technologies helped people to develop better social skills. The internet aided its users to meet more people as well as easing the act of taking part in society for introverts.
What distinguishes the 21st century is the introduction of the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation lacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are obsessed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
gadgets and the internet. I oppose this belief due to several reasons which will
be discussed
in the following.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the internet has actually made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more sociable with better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
compared to what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. What I mean is that the cornerstone of the society is talking, not being in the same place.
Thus
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socialize more than past owing to the spread of the internet and the fact that they can
simply
talk to anybody no matter where he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology. Research has shown that an individual in the 21st century
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to know five times more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compared to one in the 20th century.

Moreover
, the advancements in technology have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
half of the community to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In the past, one
was forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
others in person had he wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends, which was a torment for introverted and shy characters.
On the other hand
, these days, one does not need to even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
his room for contacting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and becoming friends with others, making introverted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socially
active.

Granted what
was said
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the human’s lifestyle. It
is observed
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have trouble in these ceremonies and lack the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
needed for socializing in person inasmuch as they are
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to chatting".
used to chat
behind the computer.

To sum up,
even though
the generation raised cannot perform in parties and gatherings
socially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. The internet aided its users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as easing the act of taking part in society for introverts.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the current obsession with technology and the internet means that we are creating a generation of people that have poor social skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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