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An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v.8

An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 8
With more and more technological advancement, the world is becoming smaller day by day. Modern means of transportation and communication have enabled the business organisations to become global. This has also opened doors for people to travel and live in different places in the world, and even have more career change options. In spite of challenges associated with moving places, more and more people are keen to explore and experience living at different places. This not only takes away the boredom associated with living at the same place, or doing the same job for long, it also brings a lot of personal grooming and adaptation ability to one's character. This further improves their ability to grow in their career and seek out best opportunities available. "Why say no to a great opportunity just because it needs the change of a place? ", is the modern generation's thinking. The Internet and mobile phones have further helped with this cause. But, there are some downsides of this. The traditional way of living at the same place and being in the same profession for many-many years provides stability and peace for both mind and body. One can keep better health by staying at one place. Life will be less stressful. And while adults may like the changes, it could be taxing for kids to adjust to new environments, and make new friends. To conclude, there are both good and bad aspects of changing places or careers, but the fact is more and more people are embracing it, and this is becoming part and parcel of modern life. More the flexibility for change, better the career opportunities are.
With more and more technological advancement, the world is becoming smaller day by day. Modern means of transportation and communication have enabled the business
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to become global. This has
also
opened doors for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in the world, and even have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
options.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
challenges associated with moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are keen to explore and experience living at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
takes away the boredom associated with living at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, or doing the same job for long, it
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
personal grooming and adaptation ability to one's character. This
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their ability to grow in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and seek
A determiner is probably missing here: "out the best".
out best
opportunities available.

Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Why say no to a great opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it needs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
?
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
, is the modern generation's thinking. The Internet and mobile phones have
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
with this cause.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides of this. The traditional way of living at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and being in the same profession for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years provides stability and peace for both mind and body. One can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
better health by staying at one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. Life will be less stressful. And while adults may like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, it could be taxing for kids to adjust to new environments, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends.

To conclude
, there are both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the fact is more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are embracing it, and this is becoming part and parcel of modern life. More the flexibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
, better the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
opportunities are.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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