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An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v.3

An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 3
Migrating to another city or changing a career is nowadays a popular trend. Some people choose to stay in the cities where they have been born or to stick to their career and never try anything new for their work, but some decide to change their lives, moving to another city, or changing their work field. Though there can be many disadvantages of radically changing the way of someone's life, in my opinion, such a change can create numerous benefits for all types of people. Discovering something new was and always will be one of the favourite aspects of people's life. We still try to find out more about the ocean, space, cultures and history, spending millions of money on these things. While identifying the new limits of space can be a huge step forward for all the humanity, for some people moving to a bigger city can be a personal discovery. To my mind, it is tremendously interesting to discover new places, people, hobbies, and by moving to a new city, these kinds of aspects become possible. Similarly changing the field of work can be a huge step forward into a new world of discoveries for some people. Sometimes, the same everyday routine that does not change in years can make someone extremely bored, and make a person fall into a depression. For some individuals, a career change could create a new daily routine, where he or she would have to face new problems, people, tasks, and new enjoyment. It has also been proved by psychologists in a recent study, that a change in someone's life could be a healthy treat. To conclude, human beings are designed in a way that many aspects of our lives become boring to us after a long, and a change of our living places or career might create a positive tone in our boring everyday-routines.
Migrating to another city or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is nowadays a popular trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to stay in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
where they have
been born
or to stick to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and never try anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
for their work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, moving to another city, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
their work field. Though there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of
radically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
the way of someone's life, in my opinion, such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
can create numerous benefits for all types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Discovering something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
was and always will be one of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. We
still
try to find out more about the ocean, space, cultures and history, spending millions of money on these things. While identifying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
limits of space can be a huge step forward for all the humanity, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving to a bigger city can be a personal discovery. To my mind, it is
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
tremendously interesting
to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, hobbies, and by moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city, these kinds of aspects become possible.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
the field of work can be a huge step forward into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
world of discoveries for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the same everyday routine that does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in years can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
someone
extremely
bored, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person fall into a depression. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
could create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
daily routine, where he or she would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, tasks, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
enjoyment. It has
also
been proved
by psychologists in a recent study, that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in someone's life could be a healthy treat.

To conclude
, human beings
are designed
in a way that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
become boring to us after a long, and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
of our living places or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
might create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
tone in our boring everyday-routines.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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