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An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
It is believed that a lot of people have decided to change their jobs or workplaces, and living areas as well. Despite some negative developments that do exist, I personally believe that the changing activity is a positive development. On the one hand, some potential risks may occur when people decide to change their jobs or residential areas. There is a risk that they might not perform well in their new roles, or not welcomed by the other employees. Besides that, there is also a chance that the new neighbourhoods have high crime rates or the weather might not be friendly. However, changing a career and a living area is an essential thing; therefore people should study, do some researchers, analyse all of the problems and try to mitigate the risks before they make a decision. On the other hand, it is true that when people changed their careers and area of living, they could find some benefits. Firstly, as people changed their works, they might become more successful than in their previous careers. In certain situations, some people might have felt that their current jobs are not in accordance with their passions. Therefore they prefer to change their occupations into other jobs which are more suitable for them. Secondly, living in new places, or new cities give them the opportunities to experience new things. They could feel the experiences of having new friends, learn new languages or even feel the different weather conditions. In conclusion, I personally think that changing a career or living place is a positive development, as people could achieve higher careers in their lives and get more experiences in their life.
It
is believed
that
a lot of
people
have decided to
change
their
jobs
or workplaces, and
living
areas
as well
. Despite
some
negative
developments that do exist, I
personally
believe that the changing activity is a
positive
development.

On the one hand,
some
potential
risks
may occur when
people
decide to
change
their
jobs
or residential
areas
. There is a
risk
that they
might
not perform well in their
new
roles, or not welcomed by the other employees.
Besides
that, there is
also
a chance that the
new
neighbourhoods
have high crime rates or the weather
might
not be friendly.
However
, changing a
career
and a
living
area
is an essential thing;
therefore
people
should study, do
some
researchers,
analyse
all of the
problems and try to mitigate the
risks
before
they
make
a decision.

On the other hand
, it is true that when
people
changed
their
careers
and
area
of
living
, they could find
some
benefits.
Firstly
, as
people
changed
their works, they
might
become more successful than in their previous
careers
. In certain situations,
some
people
might
have felt that their
current
jobs
are not in accordance with their passions.
Therefore
they prefer to
change
their occupations into other
jobs
which are more suitable for them.
Secondly
,
living
in
new
places, or
new
cities give them the opportunities to experience
new
things. They could feel the experiences of having
new
friends, learn
new
languages or even feel the
different
weather conditions.

In conclusion
, I
personally
think
that changing a
career
or
living
place is a
positive
development, as
people
could achieve higher
careers
in their
lives
and
get
more experiences in their life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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