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An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v.7

An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7
The modern world has seen the profound growth in availability of various job prospects and better living standards. This trend has enabled people across the globe with a wide range of career options while improved and affordable lifestyle became the key path breaker in helping them move across the globe. I believe it is a positive movement. There are several reasons why people undergo a career change and relocation. Sometimes, lack of job opportunities and poor financial situation of one's state could be the key factor leading to change in career path. Another reason could be better wages and low tax rates in other states, adding to more savings and an increased happiness in peoples' lives. In addition to this, better living standards and a fast-paced career advancement opportunities, helping one to climb the ladder of organisational positions even faster, could be some of the main reasons. Naturally, it is considered to be a positive and an advantageous practice, leading to improvement in ones' well-being and better financial possibilities. With the smooth flow of finances, one can invest in other businesses or can better support his family in various ways like for child education, health services, housing, entertainment, travelling etc. , therefore, the ultimate contributing factor for the better life. Moreover, changing the place of living due to career changes provides one with options to experience the different cultures and traditional customs of many parts of the world. In conclusion, many people prefer to opt for alternate career options and sometimes different place of living for various life and jobs related reasons. This shift is considered a rewarding and absolutely positive for mankind as it comes with a wide array of benefits along with fulfilling lifestyle.
The modern world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the profound growth in availability of various job prospects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards. This trend has enabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe with a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
options while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and affordable lifestyle became the key path breaker in helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
across the globe. I believe it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
movement.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
undergo a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and relocation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, lack of job opportunities and poor financial situation of one's state could be the key factor leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path. Another reason could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
wages and low tax rates in other states, adding to more savings and an increased happiness in peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
advancement opportunities, helping one to climb the ladder of
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisational' is British English.
organisational
positions even faster, could be
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main reasons.

Naturally
, it
is considered
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and an advantageous practice, leading to improvement in ones' well-being and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
financial possibilities. With the smooth flow of finances, one can invest in other businesses or can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
support his family in various ways like for child education, health services, housing, entertainment, travelling etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
therefore
, the ultimate contributing factor for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.
Moreover
, changing the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
provides one with options to experience the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and traditional customs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to opt for alternate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
options and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
for various life and jobs related reasons. This shift
is considered
a rewarding and
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for mankind as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a wide array of benefits along with fulfilling lifestyle.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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