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Although more and more people read the news on the Internet newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people Do you agree or disagree with that statement v.1

Although more and more people read the news on the Internet newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people v. 1
There is a fact that stress around life always puts people under pressure and while someone willing to be overwhelmed, others think relentlessly to find the way to solve it. From my point of view, it will be more sensible to intervene in what is happing rather than accept it. One the one hand, I suppose that it is invalid to shun all undesirable situations and people must learn to deal with these gradually. Facing with pressure is going to help people become more mature and acquire experiences to handle other circumstances in their life. For example, after getting married, women begin undergoing the life with their husband’s family, which requires more radically different regulations than when they live in their own home. If these girls can overcome difficulties right from the start by themselves, they might be able to manage that relationship and have a happy family. On contrast, hiding the emotion can drive them to severe depression. One the other hand, despite of that fact, in some cases, individuals also need to swallow their pride to balance events happening around them. Because when coming of age, citizens must be responsible for their family and their own, they should sacrifice their favourites for worthier things such as children and work. For instance, when giving birth, mothers will lose their fitness, that is a sad story but they all have to accept it. Besides, the women must spend a great deal of time with their children when they were small. Acceptance in this case does not mean they are overtaken, it implies that they are holding an objective view about this situation. In conclusion, I will not take issue with staying with some certain situation, but it is best if they can face and deal with it.
There is a fact that
stress
around life always puts
people
under pressure and while someone willing to
be overwhelmed
, others
think
relentlessly
to find the way to solve it. From my point of view, it will be more sensible to intervene in what is
happing
rather
than accept it.

One
the one hand, I suppose that it is invalid to shun all undesirable situations and
people
must
learn to deal with these
gradually
. Facing with pressure is going to
help
people
become more mature and acquire experiences to handle other circumstances in their life.
For example
, after getting married, women
begin
undergoing the life with their husband’s family, which requires more
radically
different
regulations than when they
live
in their
own
home. If these girls can overcome difficulties right from the
start
by themselves, they might be able to manage that relationship and have a happy family. On contrast, hiding the emotion can drive them to severe depression.

One
the other hand,
despite of
that fact, in
some
cases, individuals
also
need to swallow their pride to balance
events
happening around them.
Because
when coming of age, citizens
must
be responsible for their family and their
own
, they should sacrifice their
favourites
for worthier things such as children and work.
For instance
, when giving birth, mothers will lose their fitness,
that is
a sad story
but
they all
have to
accept it.
Besides
, the women
must
spend a great deal of time with their children when they were
small
. Acceptance
in this case
does not mean they
are overtaken
, it implies that they are holding an objective view about this situation.

In conclusion
, I will not take issue with staying with
some
certain situation,
but
it is best if they can face and deal with it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Although more and more people read the news on the Internet newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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