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Although many people value their public parks, this space could be for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. v. 1
According to some people the land occupied by public parks could be used for building houses and business establishments. I fully agree with the idea of building houses and office blocks in such areas in order to meet the needs of the growing population and to increase the economic growth. Since the population of the world is growing at a faster rate than ever before, many countries are facing serious problems of housing crises. As a result of population growth, an increasingly large number of people are becoming homeless. Those who are living in high rise buildings tend to have high health and safety risks due to inadequate space and poor living conditions. For instance, Grenfell Tower fire incident can be seen as an example of fire risk in such buildings. Therefore, the argument that the land of parks and open spaces could be better used for building housing for the homeless certainly holds water. Similarly office workers face problems due to inadequate space in the workplaces. This really affects the productivity and the resulting profits of businesses. Building new developments in open spaces will provide opportunities not only for the new businesses but also for the existing ones. For instance, a recent research revealed that inadequate space in offices declines the performance of employees and projects by 10%. Hence new business establishments will lead to better economic conditions and prosperity for the countries. n conclusion, construction of new buildings and houses in the areas of parks is highly beneficial because it can tackle the issue of housing crises and accelerate economic growth.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the land occupied by public parks could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
establishments. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and office blocks in such areas in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of the growing population and to increase the economic growth.

Since the population of the world is growing at a faster rate than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are facing serious problems of housing crises.
As a result
of population growth, an
increasingly
large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming homeless. Those who are living in high rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
tend to have high health and safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
due to inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and poor living conditions.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grenfell
Tower fire incident can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an example of fire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Therefore
, the argument that the land of parks and open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
could be better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
housing for the homeless
certainly
holds water.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
office workers face problems due to inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
in the workplaces. This
really
affects the productivity and the resulting profits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
developments in open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
will provide opportunities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the existing ones.
For instance
, a recent research revealed that inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
in offices declines the performance of employees and projects by 10%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
establishments will lead to better economic conditions and prosperity for the countries.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
n
conclusion, construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the areas of parks is
highly
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can tackle the issue of housing crises and accelerate economic growth.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Although many people value their public parks, this space could be for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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